Everyone fantasizes about their wedding, at least once. Some even go as far as planning the honeymoon and dates that come after the wedding. Time goes by and we realize we need more than just a wedding that is the talk of the town. We understand that we need a partner who is ours and our values align without stress. To enable us to find the right partner, one whose values and ours align, here are 10 important things to know before getting married.
1. Interests and Ambitions
What are your partner’s plans? Do their interests and ambitions match with yours? Finding out these things will help you to know if you are on the same page with your partner. Couples who have completely divergent interests, goals, and ambitions tend to have disagreements and issues in the long run. If you feel your interests do not match that of your partner and you may not be able to keep up with their varying interests, you may need to act before you say yes.
2. Religious Beliefs
It does not matter if you are religious or not. You should find out the religious beliefs of your partner before you agree to settle down. Is your partner a Christian? Is he or she an atheist or a Muslim? Are you comfortable with their religious beliefs? Knowing your partner’s religious beliefs will help you make decisions and reach an agreement.
Some couples, especially in Nigeria prefer to marry people of the same religion while others do not mind. While the former believes it will help them understand each other better, the latter believes there’s more to marriage than religion and that love and mutual understanding conquers every belief. Whichever group you belong, find out your partner’s religious beliefs.
3. Previous Relationships
How many relationships has your partner had in the past? Why didn’t they work out? Are you comfortable with his reasons? Is he completely done with his past partners? These questions should not be overlooked when you are planning to settle down with someone. It will help you understand your partner’s personality and how he handles relationships and love life.
Finding out why those relationships will enable you to know if your relationship can overcome those challenges. If the relationship ended on the ground of physical or verbal abuse, can you withstand that? Can you be with an abusive person or it’s time to walk away? If it was because of some unrealistic expectations, you need to find them out. Ask about their past and know the necessary changes to be made.
4. Bad Habits
Perfection does not exist. We all have our flaws, thus we have to accept them and work towards improving. It may be biting your nails, chewing loudly, or sitting in front of the computer for long hours. Find out your partner’s bad habits and try to help them change. Do not criticize them. If there is any bad habit you can’t stand, let them know.
5. Takes on Having Children
This is a very important issue. People tend to overlook it but honestly, not everyone wants to have kids. You need to find out if your partner wants to have kids. If they do, do you? If you both agree to have children, how many children are you looking at? What of their sexes? How are you going to space them? Are they going to be two or three years older than the other? It is necessary to know your partner’s intentions on such an important issue as soon as possible.
6. There Will be Fights
Yes, you will fight. There will be disagreements but they won’t be the end of your marriage. When you have issues, approach them like adults. If you are wrong, apologize. Do not try to manipulate your partner or play the victim card. If your partner offends you, clearly let them know. Do not keep a long face or turn your anger into resentment. It does not do your marriage any good.
7. Where to Live
This is another important question to ask if you are getting married. It’s quite unfortunate that most people overlook it and this causes issues in the long run. Partners should agree on where they are going to live after they get married. It is common for the lady to move in with the male after marriage but for some people, this isn’t the case. Some find it difficult to leave their jobs or business and move in with someone. It is therefore very important to discuss this before marriage to avoid any problems.
8. Family and Friends
Everyone comes from a family. You certainly don’t hope to spend forever with someone without getting to meet their family members and friends. Ask about your partner’s friends and family, meet them, and familiarise yourself with them. They are part of his or her life so get to know them as soon as possible. You may also want to find out some things about your partner from them. Details like favorite food, games, sports, favorite restaurant, and leisure activities are some of the things you can find out.
9. Domestic Duties
Can your partner cook, iron or clean the house? Can your partner do the laundry? Do you have to do all the work or employ someone to do them? These things need to be done by someone or by both of you. You are not going to live on frozen foods, KFC foods, or cold stone ice cream. Someone has to do the cooking while another cleans, irons, or does the laundry. You need to discuss these things early enough and find out if you have to do them together or employ someone to help.
10. How Your Partner Handles Anger
When people get very angry, they say and do a lot of things. How does your partner manage anger? What do they say or do when they are angry? Do they throw objects at you, hit, or say demeaning things to you? Although not everyone means what they say when they are angry, most people do. Pay close attention to the moments of anger and how your partner reacts. You will get to know many things you never knew. And of course, it is best to marry someone who controls their anger best.
Marriage is a lifetime union, so you must take your time to study your partner, and find out what they are interested in. The things listed above are some of the important things you need to know before getting married. Carefully studying them and having a good discussion with your partner will enable you to make the right decisions.