The most vital element of every strong relationship is emotional intimacy. Emotional intimacy paves way for good communication and emotional bonding upon which, trust and respect is founded.
Emotional intimacy is a form of link that connects two people together through sharing. Like I always say, no one is a telepath, the only way someone can truly know you is simply by telling them about you, your past stories, traumatic or embarrassing, funny, sad, happy memories, letting them into your thoughts and feelings.
Of course sharing your feelings alone isn’t enough for someone to know you, they have to have spent some time with you and experienced, most, if not all of your outward emotions, to be able to know you. When you then share your inner thoughts, it helps them understand you better, they get to understand what propels some actions you take, what you are insecure about which helps them to be careful not to hurt you unconsciously.
For married couples it should be easy to achieve emotional intimacy because you are already living together but for some reason emotional intimacy is the hardest type of intimacy for most couples to achieve.
Many couples fight endlessly as a result of misunderstanding and eventually break up, but truthfully, things should never escalate to that extent because for misunderstandings, a simple remedy called “communication” is required. It is the cure for almost everything couples fight about, it is the cure for emotionally distant couples or sexless couples.
Communication draws you closer and creates a bond, and honestly without an emotional bond, sex would be bland and just a physical act. You need to have reached a certain level of emotional intimacy to truly make love with your partner, it is the secret ingredient for every aspect of a successful relationship.
So how do you strengthen your relationship by reclaiming or achieving emotional intimacy?
- Get rid of that blockage.
The first thing is to identify that which is preventing you from sharing your feelings with your partner. There are various reasons people tend to not connect emotionally, it could be shame, that the other person might judge us for our wrongdoings, ignorance or mistakes. It could be pride, because you don’t want the person to see you as weak and look down on you or devalue you. It could be fear, of how the other person might react to what you would say. Whatever it is, identify it and get rid of it! It is a blockage, it is hindering your relationship.
- Tell each other everything
When you’ve succeeded in getting rid of that blockage, now it’s time to test it out and communicate, tell your partner everything, your childhood dreams, your first girlfriend or boyfriend, your first kiss, sad memories or fast forward to recent times, what they are doing that pisses you off, or that one person that hangs around them that you don’t trust, or the stress from work, or the insecure thoughts you’re having. Tell them everything, past, present, future, let them know your thoughts, let there be transparency between you two.
- Text and call each other often
How do you achieve total transparency? Well by constant communication, update each other about every event going on in your lives. Even though you’re married you both live separate lives, so include them, involve them, tell them everything. Make sure to text each other often, when you’re at work, call, text, update each other on everything. When you are on a business trip, video chat often an tell them the outcome of each day, make it a priority.
- Make time for one another
We get it, you’ve got careers and all, that doesn’t mean you should neglect one another, make out time and spend time together. Besides how are you going to talk, if you won’t spend time together, sure you can call and text but nothing beats physical interaction, so make out time, spend it together, go on vacations and dinner dates or just lodge in a hotel away from home, family, friends and kids.
- Pack that PDA
Do not be afraid to display affection in public! I repeat, do not be afraid of PDA, express yourselves wherever you are, hold hands, link digits, kiss one another, but hold on, no one is asking you to “do it” outside, save that for your bedroom, please and thank you. But other than that, let go of restrictions, and express your love for another in the simplest ways.
- Do house chores together
First of all, letting the woman do all the work is draining and unfair, and there’s no way she would have the time or energy for you or herself. So men, women, do your chores together, by doing so, you’re spending time together and making time for you to do other things.
- Spend less time on social media
Take breaks from social media often especially when you’re together, it’s not just making out time, how exactly do you spend that time? Pressing your phones? Surfing the internet? And neglecting each other’s presence, sad! Spend less time on the internet and with each other.
- Ask for or Hire Help
For couples with kids, this is important, you need a baby sitter or a nanny, if you want to have time for yourselves as a married couple. Kids consume time, we all know that, so when you need a timeout for yourselves ask your relatives for help or better still hire a help.
- Connect over your hobbies
Try to enjoy what the other likes doing as a hobby and connect with them through it. It could be playing video games, or reading, do their hobbies with them and include them in yours too.
- Have Fun! Have Sex!
Try to have fun, go on dates, make every moment you spend together fun, especially your sex life, try to play out each other’s fantasies through sex, experiment and have a lot of fun with sex. You’re married, you’re entitled to that, so get kinky!