When you hear the word ‘healthy’ what exactly do you think it means? Healthy refers to a person or thing in a good physical and health condition, therefore, a healthy marriage refers to a marriage that still has a physical connection, a marriage that feels as good as it looks, and one that doesn’t drain you out.
A Healthy Marriage refers to a non-toxic marriage that is in good condition both physically and mentally. Most marriages and relationships usually lack the other or sometimes both, so how do you achieve a healthy marriage or keep your marriage healthy in this New Year?
Talk! Listen! Talk and listen some more! You read blogs every day and listen to audio files by marriage counselors all the time and they all say the same thing, it is because it is the truth, how do you expect someone else to know you or what is in your mind if you don’t say it. Or when you don’t express your likes and dislikes.
As a married couple, you’re going to live your life together forever, hopefully, so it is a given that you should communicate more than anyone else in the world. Living together has its pecks, eventually, you will get on each other’s nerves, you’re going to have children and your parenting styles would be different, but the only way you can make a good team is through communication; talking it out.
The only way to resolve conflicts is talking it out or else at the end of the day, you will still pay a marriage counselor to talk it out, so start now and it will become a habit, a healthy habit. Your spouse is not a cannibal, he or she won’t eat you for saying your mind, but the grudge you keep on the inside is and it will eat up both you and your marriage whole. Also remember to be polite when saying your mind, talking it out is one thing but saying it in a proper way for them to understand is another.
Another aspect of communication is, sure they’re talking but are you even listening? Don’t make your partner feel neglected, that is the worst thing you can do to them, it will push them away, they might stop expressing themselves and eventually some might end up cheating. And at the end of the day you would still pay a therapist just for you to listen, so why create all that stress for the future when you could start doing that now?
Before you got married, you went on dates and did romantic things together, it made you fall in love with each other more, so why on earth would you stop that? Marriage might be the endgame but it doesn’t mean when you get there you stop feeding it, marriage thrives on love and romance, feed it! Go out on dates, have lots of sex, try out new things, go on vacations, feed your romance! For your marriage to stay healthy. Even if you have kids, devise a plan that works for you in order for the both of you to have time to explore your intimacy and romance, don’t let kids be your excuse for draining out your marriage.
I’m sure you are confused by this but don’t be, because it is exactly what it is, friendship.
Just because you are married doesn’t mean you can’t be friends with your spouse, everybody should be friends with their spouse. Some people go as far as saying that they can’t say some things to their spouse that they say to their friends and can’t do some things with their spouse they do with their friends, well that’s wrong and pretentious.
We all know that our friends are people who love us as we are and lets us be ourselves exactly as we are, now if you can’t be yourself or do the things you love with the person you’re married to then your marriage is a lie! Everyone has different tastes in everything, sure, but if you can’t be yourself with the person you are married to, it simply means, they haven’t accepted you as you are!
But if they have, what’s stopping you from being each other’s buddy? Nothing! Be your spouse friend, indulge in their activities together, relate to each other more like friends than married couples i.e. if one of you like games, play it together if one of you likes reading, read together or form your own book club together, go to church together, partake in activities together even if you don’t like them, if you truly love your spouse you will come to like what they like and vice versa.
This part is very important especially to religious couples, it is important to involve God in your marriage, every day and every year. So pray, all the time, you know what they say “a couple that prays together, stays together” and as I once read somewhere “the tastiest delicacy you can feed your marriage is prayer”. For a healthy marriage, you should also feed it with daily prayers, committing your relationship to God and connecting through your spirituality. Just as much as you want to strengthen your relationship with God, you should as well, involve him in your marriage, by strengthening your faith in him, your marriage is bound through him. So as much as you feed your marriage with romance and sex, it’s physical needs, you also need to feed it with prayers for its spiritual needs.
Even when your marriage starts to falter these four things listed can also act as a medicine to redeem its failing health. I would recommend a daily dose of all of them if you want to maintain and achieve a healthy marriage or restore a dying one back to health.