3 Things That Will Help You Transition from Single Mother to Wife and Mother

Bayo Ajibola

There are many single mums out there (but for some reason it sometimes feels like you are the last of them). Some of them have made a choice to stay unmarried for the rest of their lives, others have given up on ever finding a partner while others are waiting patiently (but some more eagerly than patiently) for the right man to come along and build a life with them.

Single mothers, and especially those who have been in it for long, have this self-sufficient attitude about them. It is not arrogance or an extremely high sense of self-worth but the realization that no one else will do it so they better step up. They know that if they sleep on the job their children will suffer and there will be nobody to help clean up their mess so they try to keep it together at all times. A single mum is used to making important decisions in her home and for her children.

If she was looking forward to getting a man at some point in her life she will. The universe has a way of attracting what you constantly think of (so keep your thoughts positive to be on the safe side). What she does not remember and is totally unprepared for is that when a man comes into your life as a husband the status quo changes. He is the new leader and you officially gave him permission to make decisions for you and your child when you said ‘I do’. That is a tough one for someone who is used to doing everything and making all the decisions without consulting anyone. It can be done though but with a little extra effort.

Trust him

The first thing you will notice is that you only trust yourself to make decisions for your children. You may find yourself almost instantly disagreeing with any choices that he makes even before you think things through.

You need to trust him enough to let him take care of you and your babies. He is definitely capable of it (you did choose a good man, right?) so give him the chance to practice it. He knew what he was getting himself into when he asked you to marry him so let him be the husband and father that you and your children need and deserve.

You will need to learn to let go of your fears and lean on him for support. You finally have someone whose shoulder you can cry on, someone who can be your strength and help you raise your children, someone who will encourage you when you are down, someone who knows your heart even before you say anything.

Have faith

He may think differently and handle issues in a way that seems inappropriate to you but have faith in him and his capabilities. He may encourage your sons to jump a little higher (while you would normally tell them to tone it down) and your daughters may receive some extra pampering (while you would encourage her to toughen up). Have faith that he will make the right decisions for your family as the new leader.


You may be tempted to undermine his opinion because, after all, he was not there from the start. What does he know about raising children alone? What does he know about the judgment and ridicule that people have poured on you over all the years? He is here now and he wants to make the best of it with you. Respect is very important because he will respect you back and your children will see for themselves that they indeed have a father at home. They will respect him too and eventually accept him as their father and not just a father figure.

It will take time and work but it is all worth it in the long run.

Bayo Ajibola

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