Conflict is inevitable in any marriage although nobody likes it. Most couples make an effort to avoid conflict in their relationship – a feat rarely possible.
Let me shock you. Conflict is normal in any relationship! In fact, it’s one of those things that drive relationships. So, if you’re the type that naturally avoids conflict, you may find it very difficult to get your needs met in your relationship.
Hence, conflict cannot be avoided but can be resolved and conquered. One way to achieve this is mastering effective communication in marriage. When you fail to effectively communicate what is bothering you in your marriage with your spouse, your marriage will definitely suffer.
And if this behavior (poor communication) continues and takes root in your marriage, it will rot your relationship and cause great harm. The only way to combat this behavior, which will subsequently help you to conquer conflict in your marriage, is to master the art of effective communication.
In this article, you will learn about three surefire ways to conquer conflict and master communication in your marriage.
Assuming the Best about Your Spouse
This is the first thing you need to do to conquer conflict and master communication in your marriage. However, it can really be tempting not to do so.
There are many good reasons why you should assume the best about your spouse. Foremost, you can never truly know your spouse’s intention. You can always nurse a negative assumption that makes you believe the worst in your spouse – it’s so easy to get lots of negativity about others.
Secondly, even when you guess your spouse’s intention right, it’s just a guess and you have no evidence. Relying on this is a judgment call. The best thing to do is just to assume the best about your spouse, feel good and stay grateful, you won’t get hurt.
Whenever there is conflict, there is a tendency that you’ll get wounded. But try to understand that the wound is not intentional, especially in a loving relationship. So, if you can start on the road to conflict resolution with the assumption that your spouse either did the action without intent/malice or doesn’t know the action hurts you, then you’re making taking a great step.
When you approach your spouse with this mentality, it becomes much easier for you to share what’s bothering you. Also, it helps you disarm your spouse before he/she becomes defensive, which is one of the major causes of conflict in marriage.
More so, this approach will leave you open to hear what your spouse has to say. The conflict may end immediately or go on for a little while depending on the issue that triggered the conflict. But one thing is sure, you’ve created an open and conducive atmosphere for both you and your spouse to listen to each other and reach a positive resolution.
Drop Your Pride and Ego behind You
Another barrier to effective communication and conflict resolution in marriage is pride and ego. These two have been reported as major culprits to communication breakdown in marriages.
However, by dropping your pride and ego behind you, you will not only be removing the walls that make conflict resolution so difficult in your marriage, but you would also be building effective communication with your spouse.
But how would you and your spouse know that you have dropped your pride and ego behind you? Here are some ways you or your spouse will know that you have decided to leave pride and ego behind you:
- Your body language signals including gesticulations.
- The look in your eyes when talking to your spouse.
- The expression on your face when talking to your spouse.
- The tone of your voice when talking to your spouse.
Both your verbal and nonverbal communication goes a long way when it comes to addressing conflict. So, if you want to adopt effective communication that conquers conflict, you must drop your pride and ego behind you and allow yourself to be vulnerable.
Doing this will help you to become a master communicator and move forward positively in your marital relationship. So, rather than using a sarcastic tone and biting words, you would
Speak to Your Spouse the Way You Want To Be Spoken To
Note that when you allow your pride and ego to take the backseat in your marital relationship, you must also drop all forms of inferiority complex too. So, rather than using a sarcastic tone and biting words, you would choose to speak to your spouse the way you want to be spoken to.
Reports have shown that one of the major causes of conflict and communication failure in marriage is the unwillingness of one spouse to place himself/herself in the shoes of the other. However, if you take a deep breath and speak to your spouse the way you want to be spoken to, you will be able to easily season your words with affection rather than with hatred, anger or bitterness.
Becoming a master communicator in your marriage doesn’t require many years of experience or a big degree. All you need is simply empathy and humility. And guess what? You won’t only master effective communication, but you will also conquer conflict in your marriage.
Conflict is a necessary evil in every relationship including marital relationship. It’s just a part of being human. As a matter of fact, marital relationships won’t experience growth without conflict.
As we grow and get mature, we experience some changes in our behaviors, reasoning, and attitudes and our spouse isn’t always aware of these changes. More so, we’ll begin to view things through a different lens.
As a result, conflicts may inadvertently arise and when they occur, it is your responsibility to protect your marriage by learning and mastering effective communication in your marriage.
However, always remember that to conquer conflict in your marriage goes beyond mastering communication alone – what to say and how to say it – it also requires sensitivity and the desire of both partners to reach a mutually-beneficial resolution.