Most engaged couples spend months (sometimes years) planning a perfect wedding – the wedding gown, suits, shoes, venue, event planning, makeup, catering, honeymoon, etc. I have seen a couple of ladies pick their wedding gown even before they have a groom chosen!
However, a wedding takes just a day, Marriage is forever (at least, till death do you part). So, it’s surprising to see so many people prepare heavily and put in all their efforts into training how to walk, talk, and act on the wedding day with little or no thought about preparing for their marriage – no wonder their wedding worked, but their marriage failed.
Are you getting married soon? Then how much of your time and energy is devoted to planning the wedding and how much of your time and energy is devoted to planning the actual MARRIAGE? Remember, the best time to train yourself for your marriage is before your marriage.
Just as there is on-the-job training, there is in-the-marriage training and courses. However, training before marriage is more important – you don’t have to wait until you’re engaged. In fact, you don’t even need to be dating.
To help you get started, here are three ways you can train yourself for an amazing marriage.
- Rule Out the Idea of Divorce
As stated above, marriage is “till death do us part” and divorce was not in the original marriage plan laid down by God – the originator of marriage. So having a mind that divorce is an option can never make an amazing marriage.
Yes! Entertaining or nursing the thought that you might be better off getting a divorce from your marriage can put a major strain on your marital relationship, even if you never voice out the thought or idea.
The thought alone can water down or cause a major break in your anticipation and motivation to make your marriage better. Rather than improve communication and resolve conflicts when they arise (conflicts are a necessary evil in any marriage), you may think it’s healthier to divorce and go your ways because you already have the idea of divorce.
So, build an amazing marriage with your future partner, rule out the idea of divorce way ahead of time. Decide straightway that divorce is never an option. Having this in mind and staying committed to it will help you to stay focused more on how you can work on and maintain your marital relationship to make your marriage better and stronger, and stop toying with the idea of what life might be like outside of marriage.
- Train Yourself to Forgive Quickly
Offenses can’t be ruled out in any relationship, including marital relationships. No matter how careful you are, you would have to offend your partner, either consciously or unconsciously, especially due to individual differences, psychological make-up, or personal interest.
But the fun of it is that each time an offense crops up, handle and resolve it immediately with the heart of forgiveness. Most times, marriages begin to fall apart when one partner holds a grudge against the other. Several studies have shown that holding grudges or having a feeling of contempt toward your partner almost always leads to divorce if it’s not resolved immediately. Therefore, train yourself to always forgive your partner as quickly as possible.
As long as you have to forgive yourself if you hurt or offend yourself, you also have to forgive your partner. More so, having a heart of forgiveness is a gift you give yourself. You never know, how much of your mental and emotional space is taken up by holding a “little” grudge against someone and this will always affect your stress levels and health negatively.
Hence, for the benefit of your relationship and health, train yourself to forgive quickly. Choose to have a forgiving heart and reap its positive benefits, which range from building a better, long-lasting, and amazing marriage to stress relief and better sleep.
Perhaps, you’re the offender. Train yourself to sincerely apologize and ask for forgiveness whenever you have wronged or offend your spouse in any way. Don’t be so defensive. Instead, always try to listen to what your spouse has to say and why he or she is offended or wronged. This will help you to understand how to handle things differently next time.
- Mutually Respect Your Partner
Irrespective of your status, position, role, or responsibility, you must learn to respect your partner mutually. Always understand that you’re not the “termite queen” that deserves all the attention and respect with little or no regard for your partner. So, respect your partner as much as you demand respect from him or her.
Building an amazing marriage requires you to mutually respect your partner. You must have mutual respect for your partner and don’t always demand your own way. More so, train yourself to give your partner room to be the person he or she is and to express it. Allow your partner to also collaborate on decisions and take some actions in the marriage without having to seek permission every now and then.
So, to train yourself for an amazing marriage, learn not to overly monitor or control your partner or LORD things over your partner. Instead, make sure you collaborate with your partner on any major decisions, especially on spending or raising the kids. There is a tendency that is a partner tries to control the other, he or she may become emotionally abusive or show signs of being abusive, which may lead to a divorce.
A wedding is fun but marriage is not a child’s play. A wedding is just a day, marriage is for a lifetime. So devote more attention, time, and effort to your marriage than the wedding. This way, you would have a fun-filled wedding as well as a long-lasting and amazing marriage.
More so, if you want to maintain a stronger partnership and healthier relationship with your partner while navigating all the “unavoidable” bumps in the marital journey, there are some proactive measures you need to take and some of them are already explained above. Carefully follow them and they will train you into achieving that amazing marriage.