Reasons Why Your Relationship is On and Off
Relationships are a great place to be in if they are working right and adding value to your life. You may find yourself in a seemingly great relationship and then one of you calls it quits. A short while later (and here I use short very loosely) one or both of you wants things back to the way they were and you start over or continue from where you left off.Reasons Why Your Relationship is On and Off?
Such can occur very often in relationships and if none of you stop to think about it the cycle will never really end. So let’s say you get tired of it and want the relationship to end. That will work for a while until you get into another relationship and the cycle continues. You might even get to a point where you think that’s how things go and those who seem to have it together are pretending. Deep down you know that’s not the case and you would like to get to the bottom of it and have a stable relationship.
Why then, are you still in that off-again, on-again relationship? Here are a few possibilities.
- Selective memory
It’s easy to go back to a bad relationship if you focus your memory on the good times only. There must have been some bad times though and they probably outweigh the good times to the point where you saw them as enough reason to break up.
Keeping your focus on the good is an outright lie. You are lying to yourself that it was all rosy and great while there were quite a number of sharp thorns in the mix. You give more fuel to that unhealthy relationship if you don’t accept that the relationship is dysfunctional. Dysfunction isn’t romantic so don’t romanticize it.
- You don’t quite understand yourself
Some people are more likely to be in such relationships and this is because of their attachment style. Your attachment style plays a big role in how you define love and how you connect with people.
An avoidant person, for example, may enjoy the idea of a close relationship but feels suffocated after a short while and pulls away or wants a break when they feel the other person is getting too close. Someone with the anxious attachment style, on the other hand, is intensively driven to create and maintain a connection with their partner early in the relationship. If the partner acts like they don’t want to be as close they go on overdrive, overthinking everything.
Unfortunately, these two attachment styles usually get attracted to each other and the relationship can easily become a cycle of on and off moments. The anxious one enjoys the thrill of getting their partner back and confuses it with love and the avoidant one longs for intimacy while they are away.
You need to take time and understand why you really got back with that person. Is it because of your attachment style or do you truly love them?
- You haven’t dealt with the root cause
If you keep going back to a person who isn’t all that you need then something is wrong somewhere. What lie is keeping you together? Is it that you feel they know you best or they get you? Do you feel that no one else can love you? Do you know what a good relationship should look and feel like?
Think about it keenly and you’ll find an answer. When you find the answer, remind yourself that it’s not true and you shouldn’t continue living a lie.
- You’re settling
You may have a history with your ex and you feel like the connection you have is good enough, especially since finding love isn’t easy and can be painful at times. Familiarity can cause you to settle but it won’t keep you happy in the long run or sustain the relationship.
Relationships aren’t always smooth but that doesn’t mean they should be draining and unfulfilling. Take some time to look at yours and make the necessary changes.
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