TALKING ABOUT ISSUES IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP.Many of you would have heard someone say that communication is the key to a healthy and successful relationship. While it might sound a bit cliché, it’s quite true. Sure, it’s easy for someone to say it is important, but not often do people explain how to actually do it. Many partners and spouses would spend time stewing over the issues they are having in their relationship without knowing how to properly air out whatever is bothering them. They let it stew for so long – especially when they feel they have sacrificed and given everything they can to make the relationship work but it feels like their other half has not bothered to put in any work – until the issue becomes too damaged to fix.
If you are never taught how to use this key known as communication, you’ll never be able to open the door to a healthy relationship. You need to be able to have conversations with your partner to be able to generate the transformation you are hoping to see in your relationship.
Here are 5 easy tips for talking about what’s bothering you in your relationship.
There is no person in this world that is perfect. Not you, not your partner. So before you begin a conversation about whatever issues you have, start by assessing your own faults first and prepare yourself to make any alterations that are needed.
This is a very important starting point because you would expect the same from your partner.
SPEAK HOW YOU’D LIKE TO BE SPOKEN TO
If for any reason your partner is being passive-aggressive, try and let them know that it isn’t really helpful to either of you if they aren’t honest about the way they feel. Doing this means you are looking at things from their point of view, and that you are thinking of how your spouse best receives information.
Ask yourself, “when is my partner more responsive to communication?”
A lot of people tend to stop listening when they feel they are always being blamed for something so it is best to communicate the same way you would want someone else to communicate with you.
Take note of how many times you say “You” or “We” or “I”. If the talk is mostly about you, then it isn’t really a conversation. If you realize that you are always saying, “you” then ask yourself if all you are doing is pointing fingers and placing blame.
Talks always turn out better when you aren’t pointing fingers.
THINK OF THE OUTCOME
You obviously already know, or kind of know what is bothering you. What you are now trying to do, or should be trying to do is to let your partner have a clearer understanding of what you need. One of the things you should keep in mind is what the outcome of the conversation with your partner will be which will then determine the best way for you to communicate what is on your mind.
Would you prefer to use a letter or would like to have a heart to heart talk? Working backward from your goal – after you have determined the goal – makes it easier to line your actions and thus the conversation to match that goal.
TRY TO EXPRESS WHY THE SITUATION HAS AFFECTED YOU
Your partner is more likely to take action if you are able to make them understand how deeply a challenge or situation has affected you. And the only way they can really know is if you tell them.TALKING ABOUT ISSUES IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP
When there is trust in your relationship, it is perfectly alright to feel vulnerable when it comes to expressing yourself. However, when you allow your partner completely into your world and you share your most private thoughts, feelings, and emotions, you’ll be able to express why a certain situation has affected you the way it has.
GO INTO THE CONVERSATION WITH CLEAR EXPECTATIONS AND A CLEAR MIND
Don’t freak out about what you think might happen, even if that was how things ended up when you tried in the past. Go into the conversation expecting a positive result but to do that you must ensure there are no hidden agendas and that you aren’t trying to manipulate your partner.
Sometimes you might just want to vent and feel validated by having your partner support you with something like, “oh wow, that’s too bad, I’m sorry!” Other times you might just want advice about something bothering you. The important thing is to let your partner know so that you are on the same page. Let them know beforehand what you need from them.
By having clear expectations and a clear mind about what you want to tell your partner, you can prevent those unnecessary disagreements that often result from miscommunication.
Relationships, especially marriage, don’t exactly come with manuals. There isn’t a wrong way or a right way to maintain a relationship. However, there are effective ways to communicate with your partner without worrying about jeopardizing the relationship.
Whenever you feel like you are the one putting in the most effort in your relationship, you need to talk about it. If you feel like your partner is taking you for granted or never listens to you, you need to talk about it. In addition to talking, you must make sure you listen actively as well. Communication can only truly work if it is both ways.TALKING ABOUT ISSUES IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP.
At the end of the day, being able to properly express what is bothering you is a skill on its own, which means it is something you can always improve upon whether your relationship is just starting out or you’ve been together for years.
Work together with your spouse to figure out how you can continue to stay on the same page. Be as direct, honest, thoughtful and kind as you can and make more effort to open up to your partner.