Maintaining a marriage is not an easy task. It is common to allow our relationship with our husband to gradually deteriorate and it is not until one of us files for a divorce that we ask ourselves the question that we should have thought about a long time ago: how to save my marriage?
Here are 6 clear actions to take to start saving your marriage.
1. Step out of the role of the victim
Stop thinking of yourself as a victim of circumstance or your husband. If you want to fix things, understand and assume your role as an active part of the relationship. Do not wait for him to take the initiative, remember the commitment of both when getting married and take the first step if necessary.
It is normal for you to feel sadness, resentment, or fear of losing the relationship. You must prioritize the decision to save the couple, control those emotions and accept your share of responsibility to begin to focus on finding solutions beyond attributing blame.
2. Find the real cause of your marriage problem
Most divorces are due to money problems, infidelity, jealousy or violence. But usually behind these typical problems are causes that are not so obvious: the real causes of conflict. For example, if the problem was infidelity, it is important to understand what situations led to one of you cheating on the other.
But behind these typical problems there are not so obvious causes that are the true sources of the conflict. Don’t have a satisfying sex life? Did either stop paying attention to the needs of the other? What did you find in another person that you couldn’t find at home? Understand where your differences are coming from so you can start taking corrective action.
3. Be flexible and make a commitment to your partner
Everything in life has a solution, although it may not be exactly what you want or expect. If you only pay attention to your view of the problem, you can obsess over minor conflicts and enlarge them into insurmountable obstacles.
There are things we should not give in, like violence. You should never allow your partner to hurt you. But maybe there are other things that you give too much importance to. Is it worth having a shouting match because you forgot to pay a bill or because you left your clothes on the floor?
4. Take time apart
If you have been through a very strong fight and have negative feelings towards each other, it is better to take time apart. Arguing at the moment, with a lot of anger, can lead them to lose control and make the argument worse.
Take time to calm down and see the problem differently. It may only take you ten minutes to get out for air or, in severe cases, they need a couple of days or weeks apart. The important thing is that they are calm and clear when trying to solve the crisis.
5. Take back the things you have in common
Marriages must arise from the love and things in common of the couple. It is important that they keep in mind the things that unite them, especially when they are going through a crisis and there is a risk of rupture.
Take a minute to think about what brought you together that you may have already forgotten. Focus on how they can regain that bond and maintain it in their day-to-day life. Try to put aside the routine and find time to share with your partner. Go to the beach, go for a walk, do something different.
6. Take care of yourself and improve your appearance
If you feel that losing your husband makes you suffer too much, you must remember that your priority must be yourself. Beyond recovering their affection, you must recover your self-love. If you love yourself, you will know what you deserve and will be able to decide more assertively about your marriage.
If you do not take care of your health -physical and emotional, you will hardly have the energy and positive attitude that you will need to save the marriage. Reflect on the way you treat yourself and if you are meeting your needs: from eating healthy, taking care of your appearance to feeding your passions.
There is no one-size-fits-all action to save a worn-out marriage. You will require changes of substance, patience and a lot of communication from love and honesty. It is very important that both of you are willing to improve and have the intention to continue with your relationship.