Arguments are a normal part of romantic relationships, but everything has a limit. To prevent problems from lasting forever, you must know how to stop unhealthy arguments. All discussions should be conducted with respect, paying attention to the feelings of the other, putting ourselves in their place and trying to understand their point of view.
As different people that we are, it is completely normal to have different opinions on matters that affect our personal life and our partner. But this does not mean that these meetings should be prolonged to such an extent that they put the stability of our relationship at risk.
There are a number of tips that you can use to learn how to avoid arguing with your partner in an unhealthy way. They include:
1. Don’t always try to be right
We are always going to have ambivalences in the way we perceive things; even within ourselves. Therefore avoid the extremes of conflict and avoid solving problems without communicating them, shutting up or giving in, or supposing that discussions or conflicts on a continuous basis is normal. Ideally, they are resolved in a healthy way.
Each of us can perceive reality in a different way and therefore, each opinion is legitimate and valid like ours. Perhaps it would be interesting that in order not to argue in an aggressive or annoying way towards our partner, we start the discussion in a polite manner and in a low tone.
2. Don’t look guilty and actively listen
Finding culprits when these couple conflicts arise will get us nowhere. Each will have a percentage of responsibility and it is appropriate to acknowledge this. In a communication or relationship we both have responsibility for how we communicate and what you say and how you say it will influence the response of the other party.
Do not judge or attack the other person. You have to listen to the other person with all five senses, showing true empathy and understanding how it is understood. In other words, to put ourselves in their shoes, we have to take off ours.
3. Propose solutions or alternatives to the conflict
Be specific. With all that; we will contribute to a better resolution of conflicts in a healthier and more effective way within our discussion, developing emotional intelligence. Propose solutions in a good way.
As said earlier, arguing is not bad if we follow courtesy and respect guidelines. Only in this way, we can turn opposing opinions and the discussions they generate into starting points on which to build a more solid and secure union, and thus strengthen our relationship.
4. Change the complaint for petitions
Instead of using the complaint to point out an attitude that you do not like about the person next to you, it is more advisable to make a request. This will make these couple discussions, whether frequent or more spontaneous, more productive for both you and your spouse.
Instead of using the expression ‘You always’, change it to ‘I would like to’ or ‘It would be possible that’, always leaving behind the guilt. This will prevent your partner from feeling attacked, instead he will be able to express his opinion about it and will have much more empathy for you. Changing the intentionality of your words will make you stop arguing with your partner over irrelevant things.
5. Ask for clarification
If you want to solve the conflicts that lead your partner to an argument, you should try to listen to what bothers your partner about you. For this reason, if you want to stop having the same arguments over and over again, it is important to try to clarify what can go wrong in the relationship.
Communication and listening are essential for the two of you to feel comfortable within the bond. So, if you are fully in a discussion and you want the other person to feel comfortable saying what they think (and you also feel prepared), you can say the following: “What makes you feel bad about what I do?”
6. Never resort to insults
Avoid fights that lead to insults. By insulting each other, you are only hurting yourself and the relationship itself. Therefore, it is important that when the couple’s arguments are strong, the two of you ask for a break. In the event that there is an insult involved, it is essential that you take your time to say the following. ‘I am very sorry to have hurt your feelings and I will take steps not to do it again’ “