Studies show that couples who argue in an unhealthy way take more time to heal. While it is true that disagreements are inevitable in a marriage, there are things you could be doing that do not improve the relationship with your spouse. There are things we say to our husbands that can be harmful to our marriage. Fortunately, this can be avoided by choosing not to say certain phrases.
1. “I will teach you how to do it”
Men feel good about themselves when they feel capable of solving life’s problems. Meddling and forcing him to do something without being asked, can send the message that he is not competent. If you need to offer a suggestion to your spouse about how to do something, it is a good idea to say carefully, something like, “If you want, I have a suggestion for you.”
2. “My ex did it this way”
Never compare your husband to an ex-partner even jokingly. The simple fact that you are thinking about past relationships can be emotionally painful for the man you love. Unless your husband ends up looking like a hero, comparing him to past relationships is absolutely out of the question, as this can leave him wondering if he is good enough for you.
3. “If you really loved me, you would …”
This is an emotional trap for husbands. This phrase makes the husband often feel like he can never win. To show that he loves you, he has to give you what you want, even if he doesn’t think it’s a good idea or does not want to do it. Even if it works in the short term, in the long run, that kind of manipulation will make him very resentful towards you.
4. “Why can’t you be more like …”
You married your husband because you love him, don’t ask him to be someone else. Saying this is likely to cause shame or anger, and it will not motivate you. It will likely hurt you emotionally. Never compare your husband with your friends’ husband or other Instagram celebrities.
5. “You are acting like your father”
We all have good and bad feelings about our parents. This is often more complex than others think. Even though it seems obvious that your husband is acting like a father or mother, the emotions you can bring to him by saying this are more complicated than you think. Speak to him in a gentle manner and do not compare him to his father or other relationships.
6. “Just do it with will”
No man wants his wife to tell him to “be a man.” This is putting your emotional strength or virility into question and it will be detrimental to both your self-esteem and your relationship
7. “My ex always paid attention to me”
Again, comparing your man to someone else and telling him that he is not on the same level with such a person will not inspire you to give him what you need. Instead it will cause or increase the distance, making him feel like he cannot satisfy it, and in the long run it will make him question his personal worth and his feelings.
So, if you feel that your relationship is not well, it is not a bad idea to pay attention to your own actions. Be careful with your comments so as not to make the situation worse. Praise and kind words always have a more positive effect than criticism.