8 conversations every couple should have about sex

Sex is an incredible and intimate experience which plays an important role in marriage. It has good health benefits and in addition, helps every couple stay united. Of course, every couple wants to have a great intimacy. However, in order to have this great intimacy in your marriage, you first need to have some conversations about it with your spouse. 

These conversations can be full of laughter and new discoveries about each other, even if they start a little uncomfortably. This article centers on 8 topics you can discuss with your spouse about sex. A lot of people are uncomfortable to have sex related conversations but it is very important as it helps you and your avoid certain problems. 

1. What is the best weekly frequency for you?

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Each is unique and different. Our sexual impulses are not the same. As a couple, sit down and discuss how many times you want to have sex in the week. Who has the biggest sex drive in your relationship? Who has less?

It is important to discuss this issue with your spouse before it ends in a fight. Keep in mind that there is no set number of times that couples should have sex in a week.

Discuss your needs and commit to frequency. These desires change over time, so it is a discussion that must be redone when you feel that you and your spouse are having little or a lot of intimacy.

2. What do you like most?

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We all have our favorite foods, restaurants, books, movies, etc. And, intimacy is no exception to what we prefer. When it comes to sex, what gets you excited and what makes you feel more intimate? Does your spouse know what you like? Have you told him? If your spouse doesn’t know, tell him or her today.

What you and your partner like may be different, so don’t automatically think that just because the other says he likes it, he really likes it. Communicate and always be open to listening to each other.

3. What is not cool for you?

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This question is similar to the last one, but it implies a little more. Before, during and after relationships with your spouse, talk about some of the things that excite you and those that discourage you.

How do you want the foreplay? When do you want sex the most? As simple as these questions sound, you and your spouse need to know what excites each other and what kind of intimacy brings you closer.

When having this conversation, do not accuse or blame the other person. Never make your partner feel guilty for not knowing what you like or dislike. Instead, talk with kindness and love. Showing gratitude when your spouse tries to get it right is one of the most effective ways to communicate what you like.

4. Do you feel sexually connected and safe?

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Emotional and intimate connection is one of the many reasons why couples have sex. It is important for you to know if your spouse is feeling that connection when making love. 

Ask your partner: Do you feel rejected or sexually abused? Do you see sex as a task or a duty? In order to have incredible intimacy in your marriage, make sure your spouse feels secure, trusts and feels connected to you.

5. What does sex mean to you?

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Is it sex for pleasure, procreation, connection and/or fun? Understanding what intimacy means to your partner can help you better understand your sexual habits and desires.

Explore this theme together. Perhaps they both realize that sex can have many different meanings and that on some days sex has a different meaning than on other days.

6. How do you define a “sexless” marriage?

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This question is difficult, especially when you have a sexless marriage, or when your spouse is not interested in talking about intimacy. But it is important for you to discuss what a sexless marriage means to you. If you are in a sexless marriage, there is hope.

Your partner may consider having sex once a week as a sexless marriage, but you don’t. Remember that we are all different and it is good to know how your spouse sees it. Don’t be surprised if he has a completely different view than you. Talking about the ideal frequency for each of you will promote understanding.

7. What would you do in times of a health crisis?

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This may seem like a strange question to ask when talking about intimacy. But knowing each other’s expectations about difficult times or when one of you is ill, feels pain during sex or is disabled. Other questions to ask are perhaps more gender specific:

How will you react when your wife has hormonal changes due to pregnancy, childbirth or menopause? What would you do if your husband were to suffer from erectile dysfunction?

8. How would you react if one of you has a decrease or increase in sexual desire?

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The human body is designed to undergo various changes based on different events specific to life and age. Our sexual urges are a part of these changes.

For example, the death of a loved one or health problems certainly affect sexual desire. It can be loud if there is a need for emotional or physical connection. Or it can be low, if there is a desire for solitude or not to be touched.

Ask how the other would react if these ups and downs occurred.