It is perfectly normal for two people, living in great intimacy to end up arguing. The problem is when couples prolong the fight and make reconciliation more difficult. It is important for both parties to come together and make peace. There are many ways to handle problems, one of which is effective dialogue.
However, there are some attitudes that should be avoided after a fight with your spouse include:
1. Don’t ignore your spouse
This is a very wrong thing to do after an argument with your partner. If you don’t talk about things, there won’t be any solution and it further harms your marriage. If you don’t feel comfortable talking in a balanced way, tell your spouse that you need some time to emotionally redo yourself. Take some time but not forever.
2. Don’t turn words into an arsenal
Keeping what your spouse said at the time of the fight to use against him afterwards is a serious mistake. Avoid reliving the fight, listing what was said in a moment of lack of control. If you keep bringing up what happened when you were quarreling, it weakens your partner’s spirit and in some cases, it may lead to another quarrel if not controlled.
3. It is not enough to apologize
Apology is great but there is more to it. You need to talk about how you felt before, during the argument and after the argument. Tell your partner about how you feel with respect to how they handled the situation. If you felt sad or betrayed, speak up. Don’t pretend to be fine and live as if you have gotten over everything that happened, talk about it and be happy.
4. Don’t justify your mistake
Of course, there are many problems that cause an emotional overload that can result in uncontrolled arguments. It is known that couples who do not get enough sleep are more likely to fight due to stress but even so this is not justified. It is best to explain to your spouse why you are nervous or angry and not to mask your problems. Don’t try to put blame on someone else or something. If you are wrong, apologize without pointing fingers.
5. Don’t run away from reconciliation
Some people have a fight for a long time, simply because they do not accept to talk frankly after the tempers are calmer. It is necessary to listen to the spouse, wanting to understand their arguments, without prejudging. And for the understanding to really happen, it is also important to check his interpretation, asking if he means what you understand.
6. Don’t be harsh
It is difficult to forget when one spouse speaks negatively to the other. Apologize if you have to and do not bring up the past. After the fight, one must think of sweeter ways of saying what needs to be said. It is not so much what is said, but how it is said that makes the difference.
7. Don’t pretend what you don’t feel
Women have great difficulty in having sex after a fight. With men it is the opposite, they have sex for the pleasure. However, pretending is not the solution, it is better to say frankly that you are not well that day, but that you will soon feel better and that everything will be fine or you can sincerely tell your spouse that you still haven’t gotten over what happened the other day. You both can talk about it and ease your mind.
8. Don’t focus on the fight
When faced with a problem, we are more proactive when looking for the solution and not the culprits. For instance, a couple who fight because the husband did not bring the money they had agreed; then the woman goes to the ATM and withdraws. The problem is solved if the fight stops there, but if she remains focused on her husband’s inattention, then everything gets complicated. The difference between a bad fight and a good fight is whether or not they have reached a solution.
9. Don’t feel guilty
A discussion can be a positive thing, a way of dealing with differences to build a mature relationship. Many couples stop fighting simply because they give up understanding, which is unfortunate. If you made a mistake, ask for forgiveness and really show how much you feel for it. Guilt builds up nothing, it will only take away your happiness.