Please keep me anonymous. I am a young lady and I am currently 29. I have not been so lucky with relationships and all which is one of the reasons why I am still unmarried at this point. I have had a couple of relationships with different men, many of which did not yield any positive results. My last relationship ended badly. My boyfriend said he couldn’t marry me because his family didn’t support him. According to what he said, his people don’t marry from my place because history has it that we don’t last in marriage and we don’t stick with our husbands. I tried everything humanly possible to convince him that all those things were mere speculations and perhaps stories made up by individuals which do not in any way suffice for the actions of the general public. Regardless of whatever I had to say at that moment, it was obvious that none of them mattered as he still broke up with me as if it was nothing. Since then, I lost interest in relationships and decided to just stay away from men and build my future first. A year later, I decided to try out another relationship since I was getting older and I was very lonely too.
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I met some other guys but they do not meet the qualities I desire in men. Later, I met the young man. He is very polite, honest, and good-looking. We met at a queue in one of the banks in Lagos. We spoke about a number of things that day. I realized he was well-versed. He had something to say about everything. My interest in him really rose. I decided to get his contact so we could talk better some other time and he willingly gave me his contact. Two days later I called him and told who was speaking. He was quite happy to hear from me and since we started talking, things have been quite serious between us. While we were getting to know each other, he told me that he was divorced with a daughter who lives with the mother. Since we met, he has really been a very good and supportive man but I was always skeptical about it since he was divorced. However, I kept believing that things will turn out well between us.
Six months ago, he asked me to marry him. I thought I loved him so much to say yes but I realized that things were quite different more than I thought. I agreed to marry him though but later that night I realized that there was more to him than what I have been seeing. I thought he was officially divorced but that night, I realized that he wasn’t. I found out that they haven’t gone through the official processes of a divorce. Seeing it from the legal point of view, he was still married to his wife. They have only been living apart for the past one year but they never really separated from each other officially. He was still paying for child support and I also found out that the child used to stay with him sometimes. I was confused. I made enquiries to find out what could be done and I was told that as long as they haven’t gone through the official divorce processes, that they were still officially married and I couldn’t do anything about it.
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I told him about my findings but he said it didn’t matter. After much conversation, I told him that we couldn’t make any move until he divorced his wife formally. He agreed but since then, he has not done anything reasonable. Whenever I confront him or ask him about the outcome, he always covers it up with something else. I am not getting any younger. Age is no longer on my side and I don’t know what to do. Should I keep waiting for him to do the right thing or should I move on? What if he never does anything. He keeps claiming to love me but I am beginning to doubt it. I love him so much but I think that there is more to this than love. If I decide to leave him, it will mean starting a relationship afresh. What if I don’t meet another man? I am so confused.