An Opportunity for You to Grow as a Wife

Bayo Ajibola

Many times you will find women in groups for different reasons. That’s not new. The discussion will at some point shift to discussing their husbands in a not-so-positive way. This, also, isn’t new. It isn’t right though. You might have seen it happening over several generations or by many women your age or older but that doesn’t make it right.

This is not to bash women, at all. It is a chance to see things from a different angle and most importantly, grow. So, let’s get back to the complaints. Is your husband busy, forgetful, untidy, not involved with the kids, doesn’t help out at home and could really do with a change in how he handles things? This list doesn’t even do justice to your list, right? You know your husband best after all.

Lists and more lists

Your idea of improving your marriage is getting your partner to shape up because seriously, he needs to work on himself. It is much easier to point fingers and place blame on someone else. You can get so consumed in this that you forget about what you are contributing to the marriage. You remember his dirty socks in the living room but forget your foul mood every evening, you remember his forgetfulness but forget how you keep a record of all the wrong things he does, you remember he is too busy but forget that you are on social media most of the time when he’s home. Are you disrespectful? Do you leave a mess after you spruce yourself up? There’s a long list of these too but let’s stop there.

You are both human and have so many flaws and faults. They may be different but they are flaws all the same. Your husband deals with all of yours every day even though not always in the best way but he tries. Pointing out faults doesn’t count as dealing with it.

Focusing on your partner’s wrongs can cause you so much frustration and rob you of your joy. But why would you leave your happiness to your husband? Yes, he promised to love and cherish you but your happiness is your own responsibility. So, let’s look at you and make you better and happier.

  1. Look at everything and put it into perspective. Look at both sides and take stock of your side too.
  2. You’ve seen the problem. Kudos. How can you make it better? Think of a solution to improve the situation on both sides because when both of you improve the marriage becomes better.
  3. Practice a lot of empathy and understanding. Your husband isn’t perfect and will get things wrong. Put yourself in his shoes and be nice. He probably does that for you every day.
  4. Remember that your happiness is yours. Don’t wait for your husband to do something right so you can smile and do a little jig. You live once so be happy because you need and deserve it. Take control of your joy.
  5. Work at being a better mum and wife. When you improve your family will benefit and it could trigger a change in them too.

A happy marriage is more about being the right partner as opposed to finding the right partner. Marriage is also not a place where you find happiness and fulfillment. It’s like an empty box and you only get what you put into it. You therefore need to work on you and what you put into your marriage.

Of course, this works both ways. Marriage is comprised of two people so dear husband, apply these same principles after you ask your wife to read this. To a happy and fulfilling marriage!

Bayo Ajibola

Welcome to Whatever your  problem, marital, relationship, spiritual or parenting. We are here for you. No matter how difficult they are, together we can release power sufficient to solve these problems either spiritual or otherwise. Don't dwell on what went wrong. Instead, focus on what to do next. Spend your energies on moving forward toward finding the answers and solutions.  Digging at the roots instead of just hacking at the leaves is our way of solving your problems. On naijaprents we break the problem down into components and solve one problem at a time. Let's hear from you.Join the conversation on our Forum and , like us on our Facebook page .Google+

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