I am drowning in misery. My life has been on a downward spiral ever since I hit puberty. While many people grapple with acne, changing body featured, and breaking voice during their teenage years, I had the displeasure of developing mouth odor. I ignored it for some time until I noticed people would keep their distance. Teenagers can be mean and I was regularly teased because of my bad breath in high school. Thus begun my downfall. My self esteem was ruined and I retreated into a shell.
I am an adult now and the problem still persists. I’ve sought medical advice and none of the remedies were effective. It has gone on for too long and I’ve had enough of it. I’ve never spoken to anyone about it even though it continues to plague me and drain me of any life I have left. Imagine not being able to interact freely with people because I know what’s coming next. I don’t have the strength to face ridicule and rejection any more and so I push people away before they can make mean comments. I only interact with people when it is absolutely necessary.
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I go about life like a zombie, thinking about all the things I could do if I didn’t have this problem. My life is filled with sadness and more or less lacks life and light. I’m slowly dying inside and there’s a dark cloud everywhere I go. My biggest dream right now is to get my confidence and happiness back. I’m born-again and so I have prayed and fasted when the medical remedies didn’t work. I have spoken to pastors with the gift of healing and they prayed over me but nothing has changed. I have prayed so hard and cried in prayer to a point I couldn’t even breathe but it’s like the heavens can’t hear any of my petitions. My faith is slowly waning because this has taken its toll on me for too long.
Most of the time I’m depressed and it’s affecting every other area of my life. I have no social life and so I have no friends at all. Having a girlfriend is out of the question because how do I even begin approaching a girl in this state? I’m very handsome but that’s where it ends for me. Getting out of bed is so hard on most days because then I have to leave the house and face the world again to be reminded of my shortcomings. I’ve skipped work so many times as a result. I’d rather just sleep all the stress away.
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All I want is to have a normal life with friends and have good health in every aspect. Is that too much to ask? I can’t keep living like this. I’m done. If God doesn’t take this problem away by the end of this year I’m going to take my own life. I don’t see another way out for me. I’m already dead inside anyway.