It’s weird, right? Why should you flirt with your husband? Well, the reasons remain the same as when you were courting or dating each other, it keeps your relationship new, spicy and fun.

The thing about relationships is that, whether you have been together for 3 months or 15 years, things can get stagnant. And flirting is one way of bringing life back into your love life.

That being said, the anxiety of bringing flirting back into your marriage can be overwhelming. To manage this anxiety, you’ll need some practice. After all, if you suddenly start giggling excessively or winking at your husband all the time, he might think something is wrong!

Try imagining what a positive sexual connection could feel like. To prepare yourself, you can create a mantra that helps you reframe your feelings. Something like; I am sexy! I am desirable! I am an amazing woman! Its okay to make mistakes, my presence is all that is needed!

Really anything that gets you feeling good about yourself will help you prepare to become a flirting goddess.

Now let’s take a look at a few tips that can put the flirt back in your relationship.

Catch him off guard

Imagine your husband surprising you with a big bear hug right when you walk in after a long day at work. This plain surprise can be incredibly meaningful and sentimental. But if you are looking for something spicy to catch your husband off guard, try a lingering sexual hug or sending a sexy text when he least expects it. Something like, “I’m so hot for you” or “I have a surprise for you tonight.”

This is so simple, straight to the point and it will almost always get your husband’s attention

Roleplay, but not the sex kind

Don’t get me wrong, the sex kind of role play is equally awesome but this is more about role-playing as if you are out on that first date all over again. Pretend you are just meeting your husband and getting to know him. This can help you to re-experience the reasons why you fell in love with each other and excite you the same way you were excited that first time.

For example, have your husband book a pre-chosen place and sit at the table or the bar. Then you show up and approach him as if you were picking him up at the bar for the first time. This can get really exciting and fun. You can even pretend to be someone else. If you are normally timid and guarded, pretend to be outgoing and exuberant with your husband, who in this case you are meeting again for the “first time.”

Grasp some flesh

Yes, you guessed it. It is as simple as grabbing your husband’s butt when he passes by with a big smile. All kinds of touch are important. It makes people feel safe and wanted.

Another way to imagine this is more along the lines of what you might have done back when you were in high school and you get super excited about the fact that he made eye contact with you for more than ten seconds. Make yourself hyper-aware of his presence and let him know that you just can’t get enough of him.


I know this might sound silly to you, but this little facial expression and emotional response is one of the most basic acts of flirting. I’m sure you may have heard that laughing at your husband’s jokes makes him feel funny even if they aren’t really funny. While I’m not saying you should keep laughing at non funny jokes because that only encourages bad habits, what I am suggesting is that you smile in approval.

This shows him that you enjoy his presence and make him feel seen and heard or in other words, makes him feel good. When you laugh a truly heartfelt laughter, your husband will know the difference, this is when he will know that you really find him funny.

For the express purpose of flirting, your main goal is to give him positive attention, let him know that you really like listening to him.

Give him your undivided attention

In this busy world, this basic flirting skill easily gets overlooked. It’s easy to get caught up in the latest movie series or TV show that’s showing when you get home from work but this can leave your spouse feeling unheard and unnoticed.

No need to dive off the deep end, you can start small. Take a few minutes and give your husband your undivided attention. You can listen to what he has to say about how his day was or listen to stories from his childhood or anything that is interesting to both of you. You can even choose a topic to talk about, you certainly don’t know all there is to know about each other. So start talking and start LISTENING.

No matter what he says?

Be critical, neutral or judgmental, respond to him as if he just said the nicest thing to you and then find a way to build on that. For example, If he tells you that the kids’ toys are messy and he wonders if you would teach them how to clean up after themselves, your response could go like this, “I like the way you are thinking, this way the two of us would be able to spend more time together. Wouldn’t it be great to have a cleaner home again?  Thanks for thinking of me.”

If he comes home all moody from work and you are tired of hearing constant complaints, try getting closer to him physically and simply listen. In other words, put away your emotional reactions and try to comprehend his world from his perspective.

When he is done talking, find something emotionally validating to say. Engage in eye contact and let him know that you care through your behavior.

Always remember, you are more than enough.

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