How to Build Your Confidence as a First Time Mother; Judith’s Story

Bayo Ajibola

As a first time mother, you might wonder if you will ever get it right in raising your child. I, for one cannot imagine how mothers in the past pulled off motherhood without tools such as Google that are at my disposal today. Nevertheless, they have my utmost respect and admiration.

When I was pregnant, I always wondered whether my sleeping position would hurt the baby. Fast forward to when my son was born and again, I had numerous questions like, was I producing enough milk to breastfeed him? Was it okay to introduce him to solid foods before he was six months old? These were among the many decisions and questions I distressed over.

There were times, I did not believe in my parenting skills because of course it was my first time as a mother. Nonetheless, I started to gradually gain confidence in my abilities as a mother. And this was not because I was certain I was right, but because as I have come to learn, “right” in terms of parenting is relative.

With time, I began to trust that I knew what was best for my son and that he would turn out just fine even if I didn’t know what was best for him every time. These are some of the tips I picked up in building my confidence as a first time mother.

  • Lower your standards

I can assure you that it’s almost impossible to do everything the way you did before having your baby. Your career, your relationship with your husband, keeping your house in order and above all being a perfect mom can all overwhelm even the strongest of women.

Acknowledge that you cannot do it all. You need to prioritize and trim your list and this way, you will not go crazy trying to be superwoman.

  • Take care of yourself

If you are a new mom, you definitely know of those days when showering, eating or sleeping all seem like luxuries. But neglecting yourself can leave you in more self-doubt and of course you will not be able to be the best mother to your child.

You need rest and as such, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with you getting a baby sitter for an hour or two so that you can get your hair done or just get a nap. Trust me, such breaks make a big difference in how you feel.

  • Have fun with your baby

Like most new mothers, I felt the need to read a lot of parenting books after I had my son. All the books emphasized on stimulating your child so I focused on educating my son even when he was just four months old. With time, it felt like I was punishing him and I wondered whether I was really doing my job as a mother.

Instead of spending your time online trying to duplicate what you think other super moms have done, why not just have random fun with your baby without all the pressure? In the end, your child needs to have a childhood so take each day as it comes.

Bayo Ajibola

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