Dating a girl with a child. Being a single mother is a common and realistic part of today’s society – whether we notice it or not – but as common as we say it is, as a man you might face various stereotypes when dating a woman with a kid.
You might be confused about your role in the relationship and what to expect. The strangeness of being romantically involved with a single mother can be difficult and it tends to cause undue stress in a relationship that would have thrived otherwise.
Knowing what to do when you date a girl with a child will help you understand where you fit in and make the relationship more comfortable for everyone.
Start by getting to know her as a person. Although her duties as a mother are important to her, she would appreciate you taking the time to get to know her as a person. Know her likes, dislikes, and hobbies. Concentrate on her and finding out the things that make her tick.
Try not to rush into things too quickly. Just because you want to go on a date with the single mother does not mean that you have to meet her child right off the bat (didn’t work out so well for IceCube in that Are We There Yet? movie).
This might also be for the best because the woman would want to protect her child from getting hurt or too attached to someone in a relationship that may not be serious. So don’t push or rush to meet the child, especially when you are not sure of the future of the relationship.
Always make sure there’s a lot of planning on your agenda. When dating a single mother, even at the beginning stages of the relationship, you are going to have to be super organized and flexible. If you offer to pay for a babysitter for example and let her know of the dates you have planned in advance, this will show her how thoughtful and responsible you are. It will also give her time to get her affairs in order – no such thing as an impromptu date with these types of ladies, gentlemen.
You must recognize that much of her time will be spent juggling responsibilities like taking care of her child, running a home, budgeting her finances and possibly handling a job as well. She would probably have very little time to herself so you need to understand that she won’t always be able to see you.
If you want to take the pressure off both you and her, being patient is an absolute must. You need to be understanding when plans suddenly change because the child got sick.
When the lady sees how willing you are to accommodate her, that’s serious bonus points in her book.
HAVE CLEAR INTENTIONS
As soon as you are certain of your intentions, define them. Don’t waste the single mother’s time by being a player or a liar. Dating a girl with a child.
Once you are sure of how serious you are about her, let her know through both verbal communications and through your actions.
It will serve to reinforce your position with facts and allow both you and her to know when it’s time to meet her child. Dating a girl with a child.
MEET THE CHILD. Dating a girl with a child.
Once the relationship solidifies and you cross the hurdle of meeting the child, next is to incorporate the child into your activities as much as possible. Being serious with a mother also means embracing her child as well.
Of course, building a relationship with her kid will take time – especially one above the age of 5 – but you can do it if you are willing to put in the work.
Plan activities or outings that would be inclusive for the whole family. Structuring some of your dates this way might also help the child to accept you. If you go to a place that meets everyone’s interests like theme parks, the cinema or arcade centers, for example, that wouldn’t hurt.
However, don’t be discouraged if your lady’s child is resistant to your efforts to get closer to them. Dealing with divorce and/or new and unknown circumstances and figures can be quite scary for children.
All in all, just avoid being a phony with both the mother and her child.
UNDERSTAND HER SITUATION
Don’t forget to handle the details of the situation. Find out what you can about the biological father and the reason things didn’t work out.
It might be a sensitive matter or one that conjures up negative memories for the mother so do it with empathy and understanding, as this would give you more insight to the type of woman you are in a relationship with.
Never insult her with petty jealousy or misunderstanding. This is the one situation where you must be quick to listen and slow to speak.
ACCEPT WHAT YOU CAN’T CHANGE
So you’ve gotten some of the gritty details of the father of her child. The next issue is the ex himself.
Try to understand and accept the role of the child’s father in your lady’s life and the life of the child. This is usually one of the most difficult parts of dating a single mother but it’s necessary if you wish to seriously pursue a relationship with her.
Leave all the communication with the ex to the mother and the child. Never stoop so low as to bad mouth the father, no matter how terrible the relation is between him and the woman.
Keep in mind that dating a woman with a child is dating in hard mode. You’ll have to deal with a child that might not like you – because chances are the child misses the dad, at least a little and would be very suspicious of you who’s around and stealing mummy’s precious attention. There’s also the possibility of the angry jealous ex and suspicious family members.
You’ll need a tremendous amount of emotional energy or you’ll just crash and burn.
Try to avoid treating the single mother as just a mother. You’d be surprised at how much thoughtfulness and romance would be often appreciated in many of these situations.
What you should focus on is being her friend and confidante until you become established as a full family. Therein lies your happily ever after. Dating a girl with a child.