There are a lot of reasons why a lot of people are single or have been in a series of failed relationships and one of those reasons is having unrealistic expectations about your partner. Sure you are probably thinking “I don’t have an unrealistic expectation when it comes to relationships or no way it is my fault, there’s nothing wrong with having standards, they all just failed to meet it” but then you do and yes, your failed relationships are technically your fault especially when you unrealistic expectations.
So what exactly do I mean by unrealistic expectations? First off, having expectations is not a bad thing, it is good to have expectations, a standard for yourself and what you want but you have to remember that reality doesn’t work that way completely, sure, some things you expect might happen for you, some just won’t, it’s up to you to make it work that way or learn to accept everything and everyone as they are and work with what you have got. Back to unrealistic expectations, there are expectations born out of idealism; one’s fantasy. Sure every expectation is born out of idealism in a way, but some more than others, an unrealistic expectation is an idealistic expectation that clashes with your reality.
And what do I mean by that? Some of your expectations might seem unrealistic but for others, it is very real and it is because their reality allows it and yours don’t, for instance; there are people, both just graduated as business majors, both expect to own their own company in two years, one comes from a family with affluence and connections, the other comes from a family of retailers. These two people can own a business but the scale of their businesses will differ because of their realities, one has the means to achieve it easily while the other doesn’t but if the other person keeps at it and works harder their business will grow, possibly even beyond their expectation.
Below is a list of unrealistic expectations that are still keeping you single
- You want someone that checks all the boxes
Lo and behold, the recipe for staying single a long time. You might not want to accept it but you already know it, no one on earth is ever going to check all the boxes, theoretically, sure, but realistically, not really because at the end of the day, do you check all his boxes too? He is perfect on paper but are both of you compatible? Are you his ideal? Do you vibe effortlessly when you are together?
You have to consider the fact that other than what you want in a man, the person is the most important variable, you want a man that looks like Idris Elba and is funny like Kevin Hart, first off, you want two amazing qualities from different men in one man and even if you find someone like that, what if you can’t handle his lifestyle or habits? You need to realize that no one is perfect, you are definitely not so why are expecting a perfect lover? The same thing goes to men, fantasy girls are best depicted on the screen but they don’t exist, so kindly do away with unrealistic expectations and go after that person you like, regardless if they fit your ideal because no one ever will.
- You expect them to change for you
A lot of women have this mentality “it doesn’t matter what lifestyle he is living, if he truly loves me, he will change for me” first off, no one ever changes and secondly, if you truly love someone, you will love them as they are.
A lot of young women with unrealistic expectations often go after that handsome and hot guy that sleeps around expecting that somehow and miraculously he will change and become a better person for them, well you are just deluding yourself, dear. The same thing goes to men that are constantly trying to change a woman, you met her, all dressy with a made-up face then somehow you want her to adjust her lifestyle for you afterward? Honestly, it’s time to stop looking for someone to change but someone you can accept as they are.
- You expect an always rosy relationship
Newsflash! Conflict is a part of a healthy relationship and no relationship stays on the high all the time, sometimes they will be lows, some chill days or some I want some alone time type of days and you have to accept that.
You are both separate individuals, you are bound to clash at some point, and you both deserve your privacy, it’s inevitable. There will be plenty of romantic times, but there will also be a lot of fights and misunderstandings, relationships take work, it is not something out of a fairytale.
- 4. You expect them to always know what you are thinking
Like I always say “no one is a mind reader” if you have something you are angry or worried about, say it, don’t always expect your partner to know what you are thinking, because they can’t. You have to tell them, so stop expecting a filmy, fairytale of a relationship, they don’t exist. Eventually, someday you will both get to a stage and you will understand each other perfectly without saying a thing but it takes work and a lot of communication.
Also, last but not the least, don’t expect that you would always be in love and your partner would never cheat on you. Seasons change and so do people and their feelings, anything can happen but it is important not to have unnecessary expectations when entering a relationship, just stay true to your feelings and deal with the problems head-on and realistically, having too many expectations and plans before even getting into one is the reason why you are still single.
So check yourself and make some changes, alright?