I Didn’t Know I could Rape My Wife

Bayo Ajibola
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How to avoid rape in marriage.

The issue of sex in marriage remains controversial with experts and the clergy differing in opinion. According to faith and religion, sex is meant for marriage partners and should be an act of selflessness within parties involved. According to experts, each party has a right to agree or disagree to sexual relations with their partners. Of course, this has a limit as if it is always the case, one party can legally fight for their conjugal rights.

It is a biased belief that men love sex more than women. This is why the society has conditioned the women not to deny their men sex. This is utterly misleading as studies show that women too love and enjoy sex as much as men. In a marriage union, both parties should be mindful of their partner’s sexual needs and attend to them.

Unless there is a good reason, it is expected that couples be willing to satisfy each other’s sexual urges. But sometimes, this can be hard to fulfill especially if there is conflict or other issues the couple is facing.

Marital rape is defined as an act of sex with your spouse but without their consent. It is treated as forceful and an act of sexual and domestic violence. With little information available on this topic, the victims are unable to tell when they are being raped and when they are being coaxed into sex. The topic is still discussed in hushed tones making it difficult for the victims to come out. Marital rape is more rampant in women than it is for men.

However, in most countries, the law remains unclear on marital rape.

How to avoid rape in marriage

  1. Only engage in consensual sex – If your partner does not want to engage in sex at that particular moment, it is probably wise to let them be. Sometimes, your partner could be occupied with other things and to them, it may not be the best time for sex. Being understanding of this and letting it go for later communicates selflessness and maturity. Unless they equally willing to have sex, it is definitely not happening.
  2. Find out why your partner is not in the ‘mood’ – Scientific studies have proven that sex is more than a physical act. It starts in the mind before translating into an act. If your partner is not in the mood for sex, instead of pestering them, you should find out what is causing their lack of enthusiasm. Sometimes, they could be awfully tired, stressed out or even unwell to engage in sex. Show that you care by listening to their reasons.
  3. Be mindful of your partner’s sexual needs – Sex is a vital aspect in the success of any marriage. While there are instances in which you could genuinely not be willing to have sex, you should keep your partner’s sexual needs in consideration. If it becomes a habit of denying your partner sex, they will either force you into it or get it elsewhere.


Marital sex can have an adverse effect on your marriage, especially the relationship with your partner. While the law remains unclear on marital rape and its consequences, as a man, you should make your wife yearn for you instead of raping her. Find out what it takes to get in the mood and you will not be accused of marital rape.

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