Effects of divorce. EFFECTS OF DIVORCE ON COUPLES AND KIDS
Marriages are like waves, you have some good days and some bad days but the ramification of each situation reshapes your personalities and modifies your thought process. In Nigeria today, many marriages end in divorce, and the negative effects of divorce on families and children are prevalent.
Depending on the nature of the divorce, each partner has a different way of going about it. While one couple might have a relatively amicable divorce, another might spend years sorting out legal issues or fighting over who gets what.
Whatever the situation, the effects of divorce on couples and their kids can be brutal and in some cases result in terrible changes in the social and personal lives of the couple or children involved.
EFFECTS OF DIVORCE ON THE WOMAN
Many Nigerian couples get married with the idea of getting their “happily ever after,” but it’s clear with the divorce rates that this isn’t always the case. Divorce affects everyone and women tend to experience a change in their psychological states which might be worsened by the extra stress of taking care of the kids while dealing with the divorce – though this isn’t always the case.
In so many cases, financial and emotional stress are the two biggest problems for any woman going through a divorce.
It is said that the average divorced woman has more limited financial support than the average married woman, which leaves divorced women in a state where they never fully recover from financial setbacks until they remarry.
On the other hand juggling between making ends meet and trying to sort her new life, pushes the divorced woman onto an emotional roller coaster – feelings of loneliness, unhappiness, and depression. In some cases, these feelings can lead her to find support in alcohol or even drugs.
Women are generally more emotional than men and after going through a divorce and seeing how someone they once loved seemingly does so much damage makes it even harder for her to trust again in the future. These trust issues not only extend to potential partners but might even cause her to doubt herself and second guess her own decisions.
EFFECTS OF DIVORCE ON THE MAN
You may not believe this to be true but it’s been said that men have a harder time dealing with divorce than women – though this depends on the circumstances of the divorce.
We think this may be caused by the cultural norm of men keeping to themselves and not voicing their emotions. If you are going through a divorce, you may be suffering from depression because you don’t know how to express the loss you are feeling. Do you know why?
Here’s the real reason. Men have issues dealing with emotional changes because they tend to relate divorce to loss of intimacy and social connection, reduced finances and even possibly as though they are losing their kids.
Also, like women, men do go through similar emotions and trust issues. Despite this fact though, men are still known to remarry quicker than women.
EFFECTS OF DIVORCE ON THE CHILDREN
The ones that are affected the most by marital instability are the kids. The negative effects of divorce on children are long-lasting and tend to affect their own intimate relationships.
It usually begins with major behavioral issues like impulsive behavior, low performance in school, anger issues and aggressive behavior with their peers and even poor social skills. This is always because of the transition the child is forced to make between a two home family, emotional support and financial custody.
In many cases, teenagers even drop out of school and start doing drugs.
It’s been said that these negative effects are more prominent in boys than girls because boys tend to have bigger issues dealing with a broken home which reflects in their more aggressive behavior and a tendency for getting into fights.
Girls, on the other hand, tend to drown in depression which hinders their concentration at school and dips their performance.
Besides all these, children also experience low self-esteem, anxiousness and higher feelings of insecurity.
WHAT CAN YOU DO ABOUT IT?
I know you might be feeling all kinds of negative things and I know life isn’t easy but you need to step up and take a lead in your life. Here are some helpful notes that will make you feel better and get you up and about once again and to prevent some of the negative effects that you might experience with divorce.
You matter: Maybe you are feeling surrounded by negativity and darkness, but today take a step back and look at the bigger picture. This period in your life won’t last forever. It’s temporary, and trust me when I say there are so many things to look forward to. Give yourself the chance to be hopeful and happy and always remind yourself that in the end, it will be okay.
Surround yourself with loved ones: With everything happening right now, you might feel like you want to just hide and stay away from people, but having a genuine support system – twitter doesn’t count – is essential for making it through. You might see that talking about what you are going through will help you organize your thoughts to see what’s important. Besides, social relationships help to reduce stress and symptoms of anxiety, so surround yourself with people that love you whenever you can.
Stay motivated and eat well: So maybe you are feeling like there’s little you have control over right now. But you are responsible for your own well-being and that feeling can be empowering. You need to be your own motivation to get yourself to sleep well, eat well and get the exercise you definitely need. It doesn’t have to be running miles on end: dancing or even yoga can get you going. Take care of yourself and stay away from things like drugs or alcohol that will hurt you in the long run.
Don’t forget the kids: You aren’t the only affected by the divorce. The kids may be having a hard time but aren’t sure how to express themselves so open conversation with them and listen to their feelings, keep to routines as much as possible so they feel safe and secure or you can also start a new hobby that you all enjoy.
Just knowing that you are there for them will help your kids handle the aftermath of a divorce and helps you to remain focused on the positive things in life.