Essential tips for When Someone you love hurts you Deeply

Bayo Ajibola
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A wise person once said that nothing ever goes away until it has taught us what we need to know. Those were the words of Pena Chodron.

We tend to always hurt the ones we love and at times hurting someone could not be intentional. So how come we can love and hurt the same person? It is easy to hurt the ones we love without intending to do so simply because they are significant to us and therefore any remark or action no matter how simple and innocent can be interpreted in a manner that the other person did not expect and therefore becomes hurtful. For instance, a man might devote himself to his work and without knowing, neglect his partner.  You see, the more time two people spend together, the greater the bold and the more likely someone is going to be hurt.


In situations or circumstances in which there is nothing of value that we will lose, we will not experience any disappointment but when it comes to love we invest our time and our precious experiences therefore there is a lot to lose. There is nothing as blissful love this is an illusion that does not exist in fact, passionate love is a concoction that is bittersweet. Being in love means making yourself vulnerable in many ways and you also expose yourself to the possibility of pain. These are some of the things that you should consider and know that the one you love can hurt you intentionally or unintentionally because love is complex.




How much did you depend on the one you love? You see even if the two of you loved each other, dependency should be mutual. The extent that one hurt is dependent on the dependency on the other partner.  Was it too great or too little?


Mutual dependency has many benefits because it is founded on increasing the happiness of two people however it should be noted that independence is also important in building one’s self esteem. At times the person who loves could be sending signals via hurt .This could be very true if the person is moody. Being moody could cost a relationship and being moody serves as an alarm and as well as an element of assessment. A moody person can easily be angered and them hurting you could be an alarm for attention.  It is said that hurting people hurt others and it could be possible that the one you love is hurting and needs your attention to sort it out.



If you are indifferent towards their feelings then the one you love will take measures that will be hurtful in order for you to view things according to their perspective.  This will be very painful and might even destroy the close connection that the two of you share in the same way it could be beneficial and improve the quality of your relationship. It is therefore important to have a neutral view of the situation before making judgement.


Love is like a seesaw one day you are up and another day you are down but the both of you need to strike a balance. Still when someone deliberately hurts the other person they cannot claim to love them. It is amazing what emotions can reveal that one person can be the fountain of pain and also become the fountain of pure bliss.


How do you respond when you are Hurt


Being able to move from your past does not mean that you are going to be immune from being hurt in the present or in the future. Being around people for some time will always result in some form of hurt. It is therefore important for you to develop positive patterns and techniques that will make you stronger and a victor instead of a victim.


Acknowledge the hurt


Find out if it was intentional or unintentional or is it that you simply misunderstood everything. Take some time and listen keenly to what your heart is saying. Listen to your surroundings and even the actions that follow after the hurt. Do not react to your instincts instead respond with logic.


Desist from being defensive


After being heart you might decide that you need to confront the person and in this case if you do , simply offer your point of view about everything. Do not go about being defensive or hostile. Stick to what you feel and give your partner a chance to explain. The point of everything is for the two of you to reach a consensus and also possibly forgive each other.


You will not always be right


Kindly resist the need for you to be right because it will only turn the bad into worse. Everyone is entitled to their opinion and this can never change.  Opinions are never right or wrong so standing your ground might result in disagreement instead of healing. Be ready to compromise.




You are seeking healing and you are seeking peace. It is important that you recognise your mistakes and contribution to the situation and apologize. Two wrongs don’t make a right.  If someone has wronged you be the bigger person.  You cannot go around in life blaming your past yet you could have turned it around.




You will need enough time to think and evaluate the situation because at times,all you need is a fresh perspective. Responding is a word that emanates emanates from the word responsibility and therefore it is your responsibility to see through that everything turns out in a reasonable manner. Learn the skill of responding appropriately so that it gives your response great meaning and power.

There is no such thing as a perfect relationship people hurt and they will hurt in the future.  It is therefore important for you to understand the situation because when you react you might just lose the greatest person in your life. Also do understand that just because someone let out their anger on you does not mean that you are the source of that anger.  It could be that they have been carrying a lot and you happened to be there when the straw broke the camel’s back. Simply create your personal limits. This is how you reclaim your power. You are the one who defines your limits and ensure that they are responsible.  Remember, just because someone hurt you does not give them the power to take away your happiness. So ask yourself why are you magnifying the hurt by not letting go of it.


Bayo Ajibola

About Bayo Ajibola

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