Gary Chapman, in his book The 5 Languages of Love, writes through his insights as a couples counselor that each of us adopts a language by which we give and receive love, and when a couple does not understand the language of love one on the other hand, the relationship is affected, as they will not feel loved and understood.
The 5 Love Languages According to Gary Chapman
- Words of affirmation
- Acts of Service
- Quality time
- Physical touch
These are the major languages of love. However, one may have more than one language of love. It all boils down to what applies to you and how you feel most loved.
Words of affirmation
This is very effective in making the listener feel confident, valued, important and loved. This is positive for those who listen and also for those who speak, since this act is a way to demonstrate positive feelings and beliefs and to verbalize your love for the person, managing to touch the heart of those who have this main language. Telling them you love them and appreciating them makes them feel love.
Acts of Service
People who have acts of service as a form of love language are those who like to receive help, assistance and care from people. These people love it when you help them do certain things.
Here are some types of service acts that help in the life of a couple:
- To do the dishes,
- Give a ride,
- Take care of kids,
- Do the laundry
- Pick up groceries
- And more.
People who have quality time as their love language value the moments with people they love and enjoy being connected with them. This time goes beyond physical presence as it concerns being present in body and soul. Quality time may also include:
- Spending time with your partner,
- Playing with the kids,
- Seeing friends or visit parents,
- A walk, a dinner, a conversation, etc
Physical touch, skin to skin is a powerful way to show feelings and love, but physical touch is not just sexual touch but all forms of touch that make the other feel special and loved, such as a hug, caress, a kiss, walking hand in hand, etc.
Some people feel very loved to receive some kind of gift, regardless of the monetary value, as they feel remembered, loved and valued. Gifts can be a card, a flower, a treat that make those who receive it feel remembered and loved.
How have you used the 5 love languages in your relationship as a couple? Have you been remembering to do for others what makes you happy or have you tried to find out what really makes them happy? A happy marriage is based on a balance between planning together, communicating, and sharing tasks.
How about praising more, giving a treat, doing for the other, cuddling or taking time to be together and enjoy the moment? Simple everyday actions can make the couple get closer and enjoy more moments together.