I am in my thirties, i finished NYSC in 2015 and i recently secured a government teaching job having spent over 3 years teaching in private schools. I met my wife earlier 2019, she was in her last year in university, we dated throughout the year and prepared to get married after she graduated. She graduated and we make a move for our introduction, then we suggested to have the marriage before she go for her Nysc so as to enable her serve in our home state as I already have a rented apartment to start a small family.
While we were preparing for the marriage, we were equally planning her NYSC. She was expected to have a medical certificate for the NYSC which obviously required blood test including genotype. She returned with the result of her genotype as AS. That was the only time I remember to take genotype issue really serious. Even if I have some little understanding about it before, I made a decision to research a little more about it online and also met some of my friends who are medically inclined. I came to understand my own genotype test is also very important at that moment. I’d personally done the test in school but I did not give thought to it usefulness so I don’t remember the result.
I do not generally fall sick apart from usual malaria whenever there is mosquito bite, never had a drip line in my body for once, never slept in a hospital bed, I haven’t got any reason to take note of my genotype or blood test.
Her results then prompt me to have my own test done too which turned out to be AS also. By these time we have asked our families to decide on a date for the marriage in order for us to have the wedding before her NYSC. Marriage is to hold in a week time when I received my own genotype result.
From my findings about AS and AS couple, I got to know how dangerous it is for their offsprings. I made an effort to explain to her but she turned a deaf ear, she believed i was trying to break her heart at that very important period. She told her sisters, they got very angry with me tried but I make them all realized it isn’t my fault because throughout my visitation and introduction to their family nobody has ever ask us about genotype. I am an orphan, I don’t have any close family to advise me aside from my sisters who can not wait for me to get married as a result of my age, they also had never thought of it as well.
My wife sisters gave us a few examples of older couples that were both AS with only one or no sickler among their kids. My wife also threaten of kill herself or kill me if the marriage did not hold. She in fact suggested we go ahead with the marriage and split up right after because of the shame that may follow if we stop the marriage or maybe she was desperate because of the marriage certificate, I don’t know. I actually maintained my stand of backing off the marriage but she reported to my sisters also. Her sisters and my sisters later tried to encourage us to go ahead with prayers since we have chosen the date. We were urged never to reveal our genotype result to anybody again simply because people will discourage us.
Despite the fact that I was hesitant about the marriage, we later commenced with the process, the Nikkah was held in a mosque.
Following the marriage we tried to discuss it, and she said to me, she was afraid, might possibly be pregnant before the marriage that is why she was adamant on going ahead with the marriage. She also explained to me that she wasn’t happy about the decision as well, which means she also understand the implications but she have to avoid the shame of stopping the marriage after inviting guests to the occasion.
During these period my love for her reduced drastically because of her desperation and her refusal to understand the risk we are about to take. I tried to avoid pregnancy from our first month of marriage but I later gave up and she conceived immediately. Now she is closer to giving birth. We hardly talk or play together inside the house. We only discuss about feeding, maternity and things to get for the coming baby.
I realized we fight over small things which really can be over looked by lovers. I’m not really happy in the marriage, I spend most of time watching TV or stay outside all day because of unresolved issues.
I’m planning to arrange for a divorce after she delivered the baby because this is my first baby and I would love to have 2 or 3 kids more. I can’t take the risk of allowing any of my children to be a sickler.
Advise is needed if my plan for divorce is a good one and do I stand a chance of loosing anything?