I’m 36 and my wife is 32. we’ve been married for 12 years and have two children, twins age 1. I would say happily married. As in, we don’t fight, , never any abuse of any kind, no major life disagreements. I love my wife. She is a great mother, a great provider for the family, and we make a great team when it comes to raising our kids.
However, she leaves me feeling undesired. Sexually, just intimacy in general, not feeling wanted or desired, missing that flirtatious quality that we all enjoy in a relationship. Our sex life has been on a steady decline, honestly since we got married. Less and less and less every year, and yes, kids make that even more difficult (and provide very easy excuses)
About 2 years ago, I was close to cheating. There was a girl at work that I flirted with often. We started hanging out , and we always seemed to end up talking, touching innocently, flirting, but nothing ever happened between us. The feeling this girl gave me inspired me to tell my wife how I was feeling, what I was missing, etc. I told her how important sex was to me, asked her what I could change, or if she needed to change something. Her response was that she “just didn’t really think about it like you do” and that she would try to work on it. Well she didn’t work on it, at all.
The flirty girl didn’t work with me any more, and I lost that “flame” with her and let it go, and went about life as usual. I’ve been working a lot of hours over the last six months. I fell into this flirty relationship with one of my coworkers 22 and we just would have a lot of fun with one another. Mad sexual tension. A few months back things happen and she blows me. Its great. Best sex of my life. We set up plans to meet up off work hours and we do.
My coworker is in perfect shape. Its like my perfect woman. I love the way she loves me. She appreciates me, she satisfies me, she matches my sexual drive, and even exceeds it. She is everything I was missing in life, and I’m as happy as I’ve been in a long time. She is also crazy about me which feels unbelievable. Its been a while since someone has just wanted me to be happy and wanted to please me. I now consider her my girlfriend.
I don’t wish to hurt my wife. But I do wish to be happy.
I do not wish for my children to grow up in a home with divorce. I want them to grow up with myself and my wife still being the team we’ve been so far, doing equal parts to take care of them, and always be there for them.
I realize a lot of what I’m saying are things that can’t go together. I want to be with my girlfriend, I don’t want to hurt my wife, and I don’t want my kids to suffer . I can’t have it all. Now I feel stuck
I need help because I can’t seem to go through with this alone, and I have no one close enough with the time and level of trust that I can confide in, so I would really appreciate it if you’d offer me some advice.