How To Support The Infertile Loved One
Be the shoulder they can lean on
Infertility is extremely exhausting, physically and emotionally and most times, all one needs to deal with this, is someone to help lighten the load. These can come be shown in different ways, either by offering to drive them to the fertility clinics, or just embarking on a getaway with them to help reduce the stress and for a while forget the drama in their lives.
Yes. there might be times they might want to act out out of anger, your duty as that shoulder they can lean on is to show support for whatever they need or do. Never scold them for such acts.
Some people deal with such issues differently as they might become quiet and withdrawn, immediately putting strain on the relationship. Do not be angry as people deal with issues differently and definitely doesn’t mean they hate you.
Provide them with options
Infertility can make a person feel completely alone and defeated; as they are fighting an unseen battle with different weapons that might not always be of any use to them. As their rock, it is up to you to let them know that you are tehre for them no matter the situation. Let them know you have their back and do your research on options that might be out there which you can present to them to tap into.
For couple who have tried IVF treatment yet nothing is happening, help that loved one realize that it is not pregnancy that makes them a parent – but the love and care they can give a child, be it via pregnancy, adoption, being a part of a foster care system or volunteering to help out with fundraisers that support and bring comfort to disadvantaged children in the world.
Remind them also of miracle, so many couples who have lost faith in having kids were miraculously blessed with one. Research stories like that and tell that to them to help boost their spirit.
One such story of miracle is that of a woman named Chantelle’s who held on to her relentless faith and eventually became a mom.
Her story below:
“Don’t quit just before your miracle – this phrase gives me goose bumps, and as I am sitting here I can feel the presence of the Holy Spirit. For eleven years I looked at motivational phrases like these, and made it my inspiration in the midst of my longing.
Yes I longed. I longed to be a mother and no matter what we tried, it just never happened. I received a word from God that I will have a child, and that I should name her Abigail, which means ‘her father’s joy / The Lord has heard and the Lord has provided.’ Being able to hold on to this promise helped me, but some days it just made it so much worse – especially when everyone around me seemed to be announcing their pregnancies, which led to me feeling like God’s orphan child.
I would ask questions like ‘Why God? Why is everyone getting what I am longing for? Why are they receiving what You have promised to give me?’ In my heart I felt like Sarah, always trying to help God along with His promise; I felt like I had to do something. I felt that I couldn’t just sit around passively and wait for something to happen.
My husband and I went for IUI’s – all unsuccessful. Eventually the struggle took its toll on me and I decided to just take a break. I was tired beyond words and emotionally drained, consumed by my emotions with only a one-worded question that penetrated my mind ‘Why?’
A few days later, I walked straight into a farm attack.
I came home and six armed robbers were waiting for us. They already had my mother in law and one of our workers tied up inside the house. Our Rhodesian ridgeback acted funny and I couldn’t understand why. He was barking at the one wall, and I followed him towards it.
When I turned the corner, the attacker grabbed me in front of my chest, and stuck a gun against my head. His words were: “Today I’m going to kill you.” I was so shocked, yet somehow an unexplainable, quiet calmness came over me.
They kicked us, threw us around, tied us up and wanted our money. I started praying quietly, as I knew that this was a battle against an evil beyond our control and that we could not win this alone. For a split second, the answer came to me: This is why you did not became pregnant: Today you might die and if you were pregnant, so would your baby. After that thought came to mind, a distinctive determination came over me and I decided to pray aloud!
Ten minutes later, the house became quiet, and they fled! We know the statistics of our country; farm attacks do not end this way! As soon as everything was over, I was so thankful towards God, and I knew that my life had a purpose.
I also knew that my time was coming.
A few months later, I went in for a laparoscopy and hysteroscopy in order for the doctor to find out what the reason behind me not getting pregnant was. My husband and I thought the doctor would tell us that they’ve found and removed cysts or endometriosis and that all will be well to go forward with treatments.
The outcome was everything but: The doctor said that he was sorry, but that I should forget to have children. He went on to say that my fallopian tubes were abnormal, and if I should – wonder above wonder – ever fall pregnant, that it would end up as an ectopic pregnancy.
My husband and I were broken! I told God that I was done trying to help Him. I told Him that I knew His word never comes back empty, and He promised me a child! No obstacle was too big or too small for Him, and I knew that He loves situations where He could show His abilities to work miracles.
I felt like Hannah from the Bible: shattered and aching, but I left it there. For the first time in my life, I made peace – what else could I do?
Two months down the line, my husband tells me that he is sure that I’m pregnant. I thought he was ridiculous, and I got so angry at him for bringing this sensitive issue up again. He made me take a pregnancy test and I did it just to tell him “I told you so!”
Well, there they were: Two clear stripes….I WAS PREGNANT!!! How did this happen? I went in to see my doctor and there it was, a clear heartbeat. I was 5 weeks pregnant!!! My doctor was flabbergasted, so was I – yet so, so thankful.
He is my little miracle, my constant reminder that GOD’S WORD NEVER RETURNS EMPTY!