Here’s What to Do If You Always Attract the Wrong Man

Bayo Ajibola

Ask any singles and a good number will tell you that it isn’t easy to find the right person to do life with. The fact that they are still single and in large numbers tells a lot. Both men and women have a stressful time dating and the right mate just seems elusive.

Women tend to love more passionately but then some realize that their love is going to waste on some loser who doesn’t even know what husband material looks like, let alone wife material. Giving your all where it won’t be appreciated or reciprocated is a recipe for disaster and so most women just back off and wait for fate to bring along someone who will love, adore and respect them. Some are lucky in that department but some, not so much.

This can leave some settling for less because they feel like that’s what is on offer. Soon enough that relationship ends and they go back to square one, stay single for a while, date a man whom they wouldn’t consider if there were other options and then break up. Rinse and repeat for the next five guys. Then of course at some point they realize that they’ve been attracting the wrong men all along and something must give.

Where does the problem lie in such scenarios? Is it the men that are all bad? That’s not quite true because there are other women with good men and are happy in their relationships. In all these relationships you are the common factor so you probably need to have a little chat with yourself. What is going on with you? Why are you having recurrent episodes of bad relationships? Maybe it’s time you changed a few things about yourself. Yes, you read it right. You have no control over other people and their behavior so all you can do is work on you.

You are the one going through all this drama so taking time out to look at how you can make things better for yourself is very proactive. The men you’ve been dating have their flaws too but they’re gone and aren’t coming back. You can’t change them to suit you and you can’t change the next man who comes your way either. Change you and see what happens.

Take some time with yourself

Now that you are alone, take time to find out who you are. What makes you tick? What bad habits do you need to let go of? Are there any issues from your past that you need to deal with? Look at the bigger picture. Would you date you as you are right now? If there is anything that could benefit from some therapy go ahead and seek therapy.

If you can’t stand the thought of being alone and just want to go out and find your next catch, that’s a definite sign that you need to take a time out. A man-fast if you will. Figure out what you want from a partner and from life too.

Don’t stay cooped up and moping in your apartment alone though. Spend some time with your girlfriends and family and have fun as you turn yourself into a better version of you.

Acknowledge and heed to those red flags

Ask many women and they will say that this person wasn’t like that at the beginning. That they never saw any flags. This isn’t true though. Look a little closer and you will find that the signs were always there but you ignored them, probably hoping that they would change with time. Justifying someone’s bad habits can be very easy when you’ve invested your emotions in them. Sometimes it’s not even a bad habit but something small that makes you very uneasy. Pause and think about it critically and run the other way if you have to.

The next time someone comes to you with things you don’t want to permanently have in your life you will be better able to just say no and walk away. You deserve better.


Bayo Ajibola

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