His addictions are keeping us from having kids

Photo by Baptista Ime James on Unsplash

I have been married for about four years now. We don’t have kids yet and the reason is my husband’s habits. He has been an alcoholic for the longest time and he also smokes weed and cigarettes. His addictions are crazy and apart from being a danger to his health, they are now costing us parenthood.

I love my husband so much, flaws and all, but I desperately want to have children of my own. He provides everything I need and pays all our bills. He is a good man honestly save for his addiction. I have spoken to him about it, begged him to quit but nothing has come out of it. It has been a long journey and I’ve been patient all through but time isn’t on our side. Very soon I will be 37 years and we all know conception gets much harder for women as they grow older.

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It is depressing and I’m getting desperate. I don’t want to adopt a child and neither does he. According to him I’m the reason we can’t have kids. I’m sure I’m not the problem because I went to a gynecologist and got checked. He hasn’t been willing to see a doctor and I can’t drag him to an appointment. I wish I could though because this is frustrating.

At one point he actually said he will marry someone else just so he can see whether he can have kids with her. I was really annoyed by that because I’ve been so patient with him all these years and never have I considered leaving him for someone else even though I’m certain he is the problem. So he would ditch me if I truly was the problem and here I am being loyal, understanding, and true.

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I came to a decision to have a child with someone else. No, I don’t want to have an affair. I just want a child and that will be the end of it. The baby will be mine and we’ll raise it with my husband and all these fights will be over. It’s not an ideal arrangement but what other option do I have? We can’t afford IVF at the moment and my husband isn’t keen on getting treatment for himself. As much as he pretends to act nonchalant about this whole situation, I know he’s sad about not having kids.

So my question here is, is what I plan to do okay considering our situation? I haven’t identified a candidate yet but I’m sure there are enough men out there.