This is Part 2
I Really thought I could pretend I didn’t know I was pregnant. Each day,I lived in sense of guilt and anxiety about been found out. My hubby was super sweet to me. All was all right until I started having morning sickness. I started vomiting and spitting. I wasn’t ready for this. I assumed it would take a little while.
In any case,I was too sick to conceal it so I had to visit the hospital. The hospital confirmed what I already knew a month ago. I was expecting a baby. Baby was already 12 weeks…I was over the moon but nervous. So, I went home and pretended to be revealing the news to my hubby. He was over joyed. Swept me off the floor,did a dance…he shouted and screamed…he called everybody..he was over the moon.
That evening,as we lay down in bed,he was silent for a while. He then turned to me and dropped the bomb: he said,honey,don’t take it the wrong way…did you use protection at the time you slept with that man three months ago? My whole being shook.
I looked at his eyes…searching and wondering…seeing the fear…the doubt…I too was shaking…I couldn’t discard the hope and joy he had displayed when I told him I was pregnant. I needed to lie. I had to lie for his own interest. For his own safety…for his peace of mind…for our joy and happiness.
I lied and told him,yes baby…the guy used condom. I do not know if he believed me but he heaved a sign of relief and said: baby…can we still adopt even if we have our own baby? I said there wasn’t any need to adopt…he said,we already commenced the process,so a baby is already waiting for us.
In my mind,in what way will we adopt a baby and have ours as well. So, I told him we could adopt after a year. My hubby was quiet. He after that said: sweetheart,if you had slept with that guy without protection and gotten pregnant,I would embrace the baby as my own.
In all honesty,I wasn’t expecting to hear this from his mouth…was he testing me…suspecting I didn’t tell him the truth..where was this discussion going? I told him: we used protection.
Then,another bombshell…he said:let’s say I told you,I did not use any protection when I cheated? I was like…what do you mean?…and he goes..what if I fathered a baby during my indiscretion? I held my hand over my mouth….after a few moments,I asked the dreaded question…did you father a child with another lady?
He looked at me and said yes!…I screamed nooooooooooo….this could not be happening…so its possible that my hubby can father a child…he already did with another woman…so meaning he could possibly be the father of my own baby? A million questions going through my brain all at once,my brain wanted to split.
I started crying. I wanted to tell him the truth. That I did not use protection…but that will show that I was willing to lie to him after everything. I also thought…what if he was truly testing me? No…I made a decision to keep my lips sealed. If this baby I am carrying ends up being his…its all good….if not…its still all good…after all,we were planning to adopt a complete stranger’s baby.
What hit me was the reality that my hubby was expecting a baby from another lady that is not me. Why…why God…why did you decide to punish me? We both erred but I feel like I was getting punished more for my sins. The lady pregnant for my hubby is practically due…
Why is my world crumbling…how do I accept that baby….a continuous reminder of my husband’s betrayal….for my pregnancy..there is a chance my hubby is the father…but for that baby…who knows…what if the lady is lying to him…I am just so confused and upset.
There are days I feel like spilling the truth but I fear if I do…things might get worse…I feel pained by my husband’s bastard baby…I have not given him a response since…he has been begging me. If only he knew how bad things are…how do we even begin to repair this marriage…I never dreamed this would happen to me…
Where do we go from here….I am tired confused and upset..please advise me.