How I Got Married For Love But I Am Now I Am Stuck In Marriage Hell

Bayo Ajibola

I need your help. Keep me anonymous. I got married at age 16. Not out of love but because I had to. I left home at age 12 to work as a house help for a lady. I worked as house help or cleaner for several people until I met my husband at age 16.

At that time,he was 35 years old. He was the only man who showed me love from the hard life I was experiencing. He gave me money and made me fall in love with him. I convinced myself I needed to marry him because I would now have my own home and all.

We got married and I got pregnant but I lost the baby at month 6. It was very painful for me. I was advised to wait til I am at least 18 before I get pregnant again. My husband was angry that I have to wait two more years,that was when he began to show his true character.

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He would get angry with me. Treat me with no respect.He would rape me till I got pregnant again. I had my baby at 17 years. He still did not stop treating me like a child. He would insult me and say all manner of things. Insult my family for being poor,etc.

The only thing that gave me joy in the marriage was my baby and my apprenticeship as a Tailor. I started using family planning without him knowing. When My son became 3 years old,he started getting angry,that I have not gotten pregnant again.

We can hardly feed because things changed for him,his business was not moving so I was not even ready to bring another child into this abusive marriage. Unfortunately for me,I got pregnant and because of beating,I lost the pregnancy. My landlord intervened and threatened to report him to the local govt and police if he continues to beat me.

Since then,he does not beat me but he makes me feel worthless in the marriage. I no longer love him and I think he no longer loves me. Now,I see him cheating with other women. I want to leave this marriage. Thank God,I have my business as a tailor.

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My only issue is:I do not know how to tell him that I want to leave. He has said to me that I can never leave him because of all the things he did for me. He says I owe him my life. I have no one to help me talk to him. Even our landlord says its not right for me to divorce but I am very tired and unhappy when I am only 21 years old.

A friend of mine advised me to cheat on him,maybe he will let me go. So,I slept with someone and made sure he found out. He only beat me and refused to let me go. I have been thinking of running away. I can no longer stay in this hell called marriage.

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There is this woman in our street that he is sleeping with. I even begged her to tell him to drive me away so she can have him all to herself. She tried to poison his mind so he can chase me away but he still refused to chase me away. He said I will never leave him. That even if I get pregnant for another man,he will abort the child,that I am not going anywhere.

The only solution I think I have now is leaving my son with his mother and running away to Lagos or Abuja to try and start afresh. If I continue here,I will commit suicide.  I need help.

Bayo Ajibola

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