How to Spice up your Marriage

Bayo Ajibola
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How to Spice up your Marriage

The wedding happened some years ago. Currently you have a full house with children, pets, caregivers, work and your significant other. You already have a routine that you have stuck to for purposes of sanity. Everything must run as usual, right? No, you need to be disrupted because your marriage stinks.


Signs that you need to Spice up your Marriage

The keyword phrase in this matter is that a boring marriage. If there is boredom there is need to change the way things are being done. Your marriage needs a new lease of life.

The Butterflies have disappeared


There were days when you saw your significant other you would get a buzz in your stomach courtesy of excitement. Nowadays when they walk in, nothing happens. Your hobbies excite you more. You need some spice in your life.


There is nothing much to talk about


Your spouse is your bestfriend and you used to tell them the nitty gritty of your everyday life. Nowadays you just tell them to not mind. The best conversation the two of had is when you asked the other to pass you the salt or you both complained about the weather.


You suddenly notice other people


Other people seem to look good. The same gaze you used to give your spouse is the same gaze that you give strangers. This is quite dangerous because you are prone to cheat.


You are happy when you are alone


Do not get it wrong. Your me time is necessary but when when the me time becomes the only thing you look forward to then you need to get to work.


Get back  your Emotional Connection

Before you spice up everything else you will need to spruce up your emotional connection with your spouse. Everything is confusing because there is a short circuit in the emotional system. The two of you might really be looking good on the outside but inside you are as good as dead. There needs to be communication from the heart. Commit yourselves to emotional intimacy and eliminate any elements that might serve as a distraction to that realization.


Now that you have set up the ground, you need to set aside time to communicate. It can be 30 minutes of comfortable topics daily. This is a choice not a feeling. The two of you must talk. The next thing is provide a safe space. What does it mean to provide a safe space? It means that your spouse can talk to you about their deepest fears and you will listen without bias. You will keep their secrets.


Do they like talking while sipping some tea or while taking ice cream? Go out of your way and find out what excites your spouse. Find out their favourite topics. These will serve as your ice breakers. Do whatever it takes to make them come alive because this is what will make the conversations become real and deep.


You now have them being real and deep. You already have shown them that you can be trusted. You can therefore go ahead and as them the difficult questions. Let them tell you their fears and you should ensure that you are paying full attention.


Now that the two of you have spoken, it is now time for the two of you to approach the Father.. Give Him all the pain and the hurt and in return you will get peace that surpasses your understanding.

Let the Spicing begin

Now that the emotional puzzle is working out, you can implement other simple ways of spicing up your marriage. You can start by holding hands. This is a simple act of PDA. it might not look like a big deal but hands and nerves go together. A tingle or two is expected.


Bring in the romance


Be romantic while at home. You can cook a new recipe, turn off the lights, put on a new suit or something that will rekindle some wild memories. What should follow next is some good sex. Remember you already rekindled your emotions and now you will let those feelings manifest physically.


Be spontaneous


Do something special just because you want to. You do not have to wait for your anniversary or a birthday. Surprise them or even spoil them. Do something out of the blue. It will make them come alive and this definitely means more bedroom goodies.


A brand new you


Reinvent yourself. Go to the gym, read a new book or even even do some cooking. Show there is more to you than meets the eye. It is even suggested that you should start having a fling with your spouse. Do not have sex at home only. Act as though the two of you just met.


Put on something sexy


Dress up for your spouse. Do not wait for a special occasion. Groom yourself and practice good hygiene. Ensure that you always smell good. Your scent should pull them closer and not further away.


 Water your grass


The next thing is to compliment your spouse. The grass is not always greener on the other side. Someone is doing the watering and this is done through offering compliments. Rain praise on your love because you are their greatest fan.




You should also know what you want and communicate the same to your spouse. This will allow your spouse to make a conscious decision to do what makes you happy.  Communicate, communicate and communicate. Never assume. Do not stay silent. Let your spouse know what is on your mind.

Children have their place

Do not let your children become the reason why your marriage is not interesting. Do not also use them as an excuse. The kids will grow up and move out so you better do all the loving while you can marriage takes work and part of the work is chipping in to make it interesting. It has nothing to do with feelings but everything to do with decision making.




Bayo Ajibola

About Bayo Ajibola

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