How to Understand and Control Jealousy in Your Relationship

Everyone at some point in life has felt jealousy, whether that of a partner, sibling, friend or any other family member. This is normal, as it is a feeling that is motivated by insecurity and aroused when we are connected to someone, but it is not always harmful to the relationship, as it can show a portion of affection and care. In addition, we can choose how to react in a situation, avoiding possible fights and abusive behavior in the relationship. 

Anyone is liable to feel jealous, regardless of how self-confident they are, as jealousy arises when there is fear that the relationship is threatened, however, insecure people with low self-esteem are more vulnerable to jealousy. Although jealousy is normal and everyone is susceptible to feeling it, it is considered an unpleasant feeling, because whenever it arises, it is accompanied by other feelings such as: fear, anxiety, anger, sadness etc

There is a high chance that a jealous person has the behavior of following the partner, snooping on the cell phone and social networks, reading messages and emails and other attitudes, in order to discover some fact about the partner that will confirm the aforementioned thoughts and with that, start to make several assumptions and imagine different situations.

Often the individual who is jealous considers these imaginations and assumptions as absolute truths, which brings a lot of damage and fights to the relationship.  Therefore, it is important to know how to differentiate between normal and exaggerated jealousy, and these two from pathological.

The normal jealousy is that related to care, affection and preservation of the relationship and it usually does not cause disagreements. The exaggerated is more intense and causes a lot of discomfort and sadness for those who feel it. It is usually generated due to low self-esteem and pathological jealousy causes suffering for those who feel it and also for the partner. It is jealousy caused by fanciful or even delusional ideas. 

How to deal with jealousy

1. Identify the causes of your jealousy

There are several reasons that can generate jealousy, sometimes it can be childhood experiences, trauma from previous relationships, feelings of abandonment, lack of affection and others. If you need to, seek help from a psychologist to help you in this stage, when you are aware of the causes, it is easier to control this feeling.

2. Have a clear and objective communication

When there is good communication between the couple, it is easier to express opinions and feelings, say what bothers you, what is unacceptable in the relationship for you and what can be avoided to be happier. This way, your partner will be aware of his behaviors that make you jealous and can avoid them if they are consistent.

3. Have a moment of your own

Life as a couple is nice, but that can’t stop you from having your individuality, your space and freedom. It is necessary that everyone has their moment alone, their freedom and that they take time for themselves. It spares you from overreacting and over thinking things. It also helps you to be more rational, see things from various perspectives and also do other important things. 

4. Live in the present

Let go of your past. Often, due to past relationship experiences, the person becomes trapped in intense fear of losing the other. Each relationship is different, don’t compare your last relationship with the current one and don’t imagine possible situations that can happen, don’t suffer in advance with the present, live now, enjoy today.

5. Improve your self-esteem

Be sure of yourself, be confident, reflect on your qualities, take care of yourself and value your best. A person with healthy and positive self-esteem is more confident and knows how to differentiate their partner’s attitudes that deserve attention and that should be ignored. If you are confident, certain things don’t bother you and you also tend to react to things in a better and more mature manner. 

6. Seek therapy

Therapy can be an option to save the relationship that is being stifled by jealousy, it can help you to raise your self-esteem, find self-confidence, find the causes of your jealousy, love yourself more, know how to communicate with your partner and have a light and healthy relationship. You can talk to a professional, they have better experiences in handling situations like this. 

Do not neglect jealousy and it’s impacts on relationships. It can ruin your marriage, thus do all you can to handle it before it is too late. 

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