Please keep me anonymous. I am a guy in my late thirties. I am doing well in my business. I am a graduate but I got into business two year after my service because I believed that I was going to do better in it and I am actually doing well. I make a good living. I sell electrical materials as well as refrigerators and other household appliances. I stay in Abuja and I earn well from this business. I am of marriage age but I have an issue which I do not know how to handle. When I was in my late twenties, precisely when I was 28, I had a terrible accident which affected me hugely. Part of the things that further affected me were the drugs I was placed on. I had a lot of complications which I didn’t even know about. After I got discharged from the hospital, I went about my usual activities in good health. I was going for a check up from time to time and after some time I completely forgot about the accident as I healed completely.
I am usually very keen about my health so from time to time I go for a full body check up. A few years later, I went for a body check up when I was 32 and after that, the doctor told me that I had issues with my genitals. Initially, he told me that it was something that could be corrected with some medications and he assured me that I would be okay. I complied. He recommended a ton of medications for me all of which I adhered to diligently. After I completed my medication, I went back to him for another check up in order to know my status. Sadly he said my situation was bad and I would need surgery to control the condition. I still obeyed everything the hospital recommended. I was booked for a surgery almost immediately and one week later, I made payments and the surgery took place. After the surgery, the doctor announced to me that I couldn’t have a child of my own. I was shocked and sad. According to the doctor, he said that the accident I had earlier affected my vas deferens and they did not handle it properly. I was disappointed. I felt like calling life quits at that moment. It was a very difficult phase in my life. I contemplated suicide so many times. I was depressed for a long time and I couldn’t help myself.
After some time, I picked up the pieces of my life and continued living. Since then, I haven’t tried getting into relationships or anything similar. My parents, especially my mom, have been preventing me from getting married. I want to get married, I want to have a lovely wife and most importantly I want to have kids of my own and be happy with them. I need kids in my life. I want to be happy. I want to actually watch my kids grow and also get to provide for them as much as I can. I don’t know how I will come to terms with the fact that I can’t have kids of my own. It is very difficult for me to accept. I have tried out a few relationships before but I always get tired along the way. This is because I know deep within my heart that I don’t want to get married to someone based on deceit. I want anyone who I will get married to to know my health status and get to choose whether or not they are willing to take this difficult walk with me. I know that it is very difficult for anyone to accept me as I am but I am willing to wait. I won’t deceive anyone or hide something as important as this before marriage. The few relationships I tried out ended half way.
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It takes me time to really get emotionally invested in people partly because I feel like they are still going to leave me along the way when they find out about my situation. Some other relationships also ended because when I finally felt that we are so much in love, I get to tell the lady involved about my problem. I do this and on four different occasions, the ladies all left me because they can’t cope. I don’t fault or blame them at all because it is not an easy thing to do. I don’t know if it is something I would have been able to do if I was in their shoes. I am really confused. I am almost turning 40 and I haven’t even gotten a girlfriend not to talk of a fiance and wife. My family is bothered. My father is tired of talking to me while my mom is busy finding different women for me. They don’t know my situation and I don’t intend to tell them. I feel really sad. I want to get married but how are we going to handle this problem? Please talk to me, I want to get married as soon as possible and I want to do it the right way. Please what can I do and how can I do it?