I’m having a difficult time in my marriage. I’m a mother of five and currently taking care of almost everything in the family. I work at a hospital as a nurse. My husband is a low-level staff at a company that is still struggling to stand. I am honestly not happy that I earn more than my husband and as such, is the breadwinner of the family. I have to take care of the children’s school fees, House rent, feeding, health needs and many other things.
My husband used to have a good paying job at a multinational company. However, he lost his job due to some problems he had in the company, since then I have been the one taking care of the family. The job my husband has now does not pay so much so the family depends on me for their upkeep.
I do not love the fact that I am the breadwinner of my family. All things being equal, my husband is supposed to be earning more than me and taking care of family but now I am the one doing it. It is becoming extremely overwhelming for me to take care of our five children and my husband. My kids go to big schools that pay very high school fees. One of my sons is in a private university that pays over a million annually. Trying to save and foot his school needs and that of his sisters is weighing me down.
My husband’s income is so small that it can barely feed the family. He had been trying to look for a better job but it is not working. I am beginning to lose respect for him. I no longer love him as before and seeing him is beginning to irritate me. Any man who is healthy and normal should know that he is supposed to be the breadwinner of his family and not shift this responsibility to the wife or anyone else. My husband does not seem to be bothered by the fact that I earn more than him.
What he contributes for the upkeep of the family is very very small. I have friends and I know that their husbands earn more than them and they also take good care of their families. None of my friends is the breadwinner of their family. My husband should be a man and thus, the breadwinner of the family. Why do I have to be the person to buy foodstuffs, cook, pay school fees and house rent?
We have family members in the village and they expect money from time to time. These are all dependent on my income. I still struggle to do these things with very little or no support from my husband. Yet he still acts like the breadwinner when he goes outside. He keeps his car very clean and dresses smartly and takes all the glory. I can’t even get things for myself because all my earnings go back to this family. It is very draining for me.
My friends go on vacations with their husbands at least twice a year but I can’t even remember the last time I traveled to a good resort here in Nigeria. All I do is labour like a man while the real man worries less. I am seriously unhappy that I have to provide for this family. I can’t even save, talk more of buying great stuffs for myself. I need the Naijaaparents community to advise me on what to do. I need a way out. I am unhappy. My husband should be the breadwinner not me. I need your advice on what to do to change things.