I conducted a paternity test behind my wife’s back on our 12 year old son.

Bayo Ajibola

My wife and I met when I was 28. We had a drunk hookup the first night we met. We continued seeing each other after that night. A few weeks later she found out she was pregnant. We stayed together and I proposed a few months later. I had my doubts about her pregnancy lining up with our timeline but I never brought it up or discussed it. Not to mention I was in the military and deployed a few months later. My proposal weighed a lot on her carrying my child. I grew up in a home without a dad and never wanted that.

Fast forward 12 years we are still married. Though it has been extremely volatile and rocky I’ve stayed together honestly because I could never part from my son. I can’t let him grow up with an absent father. So I’ve made it work. Our marriage is dead outside of our child.

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I ran into an old friend who I knew around the time I met my wife. He asked if I was still with her and I said yes. He mentioned how “it was crazy I dated her and then you stole her from me!” I wasn’t sure what he meant and asked him to elaborate. He said “it’s no big deal but I was seeing her up until that weekend you met her.” I dropped it but inside i still have my doubt and my insecurities ran wild. I couldn’t get it out of head. I broke down and bought a home DNA test kit and used it on my son and I without telling my wife.

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The results came back today. He is not my son. 0% chance I am his biological father. I’m destroyed. My whole world is upside down. I’m just on autopilot at the moment. I don’t know how to act or feel. I’m just a zombie right now.

One thing I know is no matter what he is my son. I’ve been by his side the moment he was born and will absolutely never abandon him. Absolutely nothing will change that.

What I haven’t decided is how if at all I bring it up to my wife. I feel like my whole marriage was a lie. I can’t help but wonder if she knew. How do I confront her. Regardless that I’m not in love with her I still love her. This will crush her. This will absolutely devastate her. I don’t know what to do. I plan on seeing a counselor/therapist ASAP. So many emotions and thoughts flooding my mind. Just need some help to bring me back down.

I appreciate all the support and words of advice. Both good, bad and the ugly. I’m going to sit on this until I get my head right.


Bayo Ajibola

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