I don’t know how to control my sexual urges. My husband is not based here and I am worried.

I got married last year and my husband was not even around for the traditional marriage. His younger brother represented him. My husband stays in Canada and we were dating before he left to do his masters program there. A year later, he got a scholarship to do his PhD program and I told him I was finding it difficult waiting for him. I was getting so many suitors and I was beginning to feel like I was wasting my time. We do talk frequently but somehow, I always felt unsure of what we were doing. What if he finds someone else he loves over there? What would become of me? I was always disturbed. I have heard stories of men who made promises to girls in Nigeria but went ahead to marry someone else. I was scared and I didn’t want that to be my situation. 

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Besides he didn’t even engage me so it may not even take him time to move on if he so wills.  Because of my consistent worry if what we had was going to work. He came back and engaged me. That was not enough anyway and after eight months, he suggested we have a traditional marriage even though he wouldn’t be able to come back. I agreed because I loved him. It was successful and 5 months later he returned for our wedding but he didn’t stay long after the wedding. He only spent three weeks and it was only within these three weeks that we had sex. Ever since then, I have been very lonely. 

I feel very sad. I can’t even have my husband touch me. We only speak over the phone and do video calls frequently but that is not enough. Sometimes I come back tired from work and all I want is a hot sex to ease my stress and calm my mind but nothing happens. I can only go to bed angry and horny. I want to be a faithful wife but it is not really easy. After spending years as a single lady without sex, now I am married and I still can’t get enough sex. It saddens me and it affects my mental health. I am a woman, I have feelings, I have sexual urges but my husband is not here to satisfy me. I don’t want to meet another man to satisfy me. 

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Sometimes I try to masturbate or watch porn but it does not solve my problem. I have nude video calls with my husband but you obviously can’t compare it with real sex. I am tired of living like this. He keeps promising me he will come back soon but how long will I wait? How long is soon? He sends money to me frequently but that is not the solution to my problem. I have enough money in my account, he even bought me a new Lexus 350 and rented an apartment for me in an estate but all these do not appeal to me. I am still young and I get admirers even when they know I am married. It is not easy trying to stay faithful to him. Sometimes I am pushed to just have sex with someone or even find one person and be having sex with only him but that is not who I want to be. Please what can I do? How do I handle this situation? It is really eating me up.

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