My name is Lizzy( not real name). I am 24 years old, in my final year if not for ASSU strike, I am supposed to graduate this year. I met my lover in December last year on IG. We were chatting for weeks. We hit it off quite well. He told me he is divorced and he is into ICT. That his wife cheated on him and also left him during the covid when he lost his job and he has been so broken that he has not considered remarrying again.- Advertisement –
This man is 49 years old. He has 2 children but they are with his wife. Now, he claimed he got a job to work remotely for a European country. So, he works from home and they pay him in dollars. We chatted and did video calls for almost 3 weeks before we met up. I was stunned at how handsome he looked. He also dresses well and he is very kind, he sends me money every week, sometimes 20k, sometimes 50k,etc. I fell in love with him. We became inseparable.
I started going to his place every weekend. I got pregnant towards end of February. I was so scared and wanted to abort it but he told me not to worry, that he would marry me. He has met my family for introduction and the traditional wedding was planned for Easter period. But after that, I started noticing some things about him.
First, his work was mostly at night…he would say he is having meetings with the company branches in different countries with different time lines but I realized that he is into yahoo. He is not into ICT. That is how he makes his money. Another thing I found out is, he takes drugs, weed alot. He said its medication for his health but I realize that he uses it to get high alot.
All these that I discovered made me sad and I did not want to marry him anymore but he begged me to stay. That he will stop taking weed but he continued to argue that its not yahoo he is into but working as an ICT person…an ICT consultant to different international companies. Now, my pregnancy is advanced. I cannot abort anymore, so I decided to manage and still marry him.- Advertisement –
We got married in April, the Saturday before Easter. My parents and everyone was happy but I was sad. They were all congratulating me for marrying a rich and handsome husband. This is because, my husband spent money on them. It was a big traditional wedding but I was crying inside me because of how my husband makes his money.
After marriage, things became worse. The weed smoking became worse. And after smoking, he will be high and he wants s3x cos he is very hard at that time. Once I refuse, he will get angry and threaten to cheat on me. Two weeks ago, he told me that his ex wife says their son wants to celebrate his 5 years birthday in our house. I have never met his children before so I refused. My husband told me that I cannot dictate to him.- Advertisement –
That is how before I knew it, the ex wife came a day to the birthday and was organizing the birthday. It was a big party and there were so many people that I did not even know that came for the party. The ex wife’s friends and family members. I was most surprised after the party, the ex wife refused to leave. My husband said the children wanted to spend the night and the ex will stay with them in the guest room.
Hmmm…I refused and threatened heaven and hell but all fell on deaf ears. At night, my husband and his ex started smoking weed together and later, he slept with her. They did not even bother to keep the noise of their f*cking down.Come and see the way they were moaning like animals. I was so irritated at the betrayal. They f*cked till day break. The ex wife truly disrespected me. She did not even speak to me.
The next day, I packed my things to leave the house. No one even stopped me. I knew they wanted to frustrate me. I called my parents and they asked me not to leave, that I am the legal wife. That if I leave, the ex will come back in. I stayed back in humiliation. My family have asked my husband to come and see them but he has refused till date, instead, he told them he is busy and sent them money.
I asked him why he is treating me this way by going back to his ex. If he was still in love with his ex….why did he marry me? He said he loves me but I am too childish. That he slept with his ex to teach me a lesson that no one can tell him what to do. That I keep questioning his source of income and his lifestyle of weed smoking. That he cannot allow that. That if I do not stop being childish, then he would not be controlled by me. So, I have to be quiet and let him be a man as he likes. Truth be told, he is still providing for me ….the only issue I have is his source of income and drugs and women.
My family has said I should overlook all of that and focus on having my baby. Its very difficult to do that. I feel like I made a terrible mistake by marrying a complete stranger I met and married under 4 months. He deceived me saying he is into ICT but he is into yahoo. His friends are into the same yahoo. One of them advised me to relax …that most people make money off the internet, that I should stop disturbing my husband and be grateful I landed a handsome and well to do guy.
Now, I feel trapped by this pregnancy. I know he loves me and I love him too but he is a dangerous man and our lifestyles are completely different. My husband has said he will not f*ck his ex anymore if I behave myself. He said I should be happy that he is providing for me cos his ex is regretting now why she left as well as many other women who are ready to give him peace …that he just wants a wife, not someone who will be questioning him….so if I give any behavior, he may be forced to take her back.
My husband said he did not marry me for my looks or anything. That he expected me being a young woman, I would learn to respect him, especially cos he is older than me. That if he is looking for feminist, that they are many older women he would have married. That is why he married me when I got pregnant. That he has had one bad marriage before and he is not going to allow a woman toy with him anymore.
This is my situation now. I don’t have a job. My husband takes care of everything financially. He does not want me to work but I am not comfortable with his line of work and lifestyle. I also suspect anytime he goes to visit his children, he sleeps with his ex. I have to remain calm as advised so that he will not push me away. I know I got carried away with his fine looks, his gifts, money …. I thought this was true love and he hid his bad habits very well from me.
This whole situation is paining me so bad. I feel so hurt and betrayed and shut down against my will. I am constantly filled with regrets. I feel like I am throwing my whole life away in this marriage. But what else can I do? Sometimes I pray that I can make him change. Do you think he will change? I think he entered yahoo cos he lost his job and could not get another job. Maybe God will touch him cos he is a good person just those issues…I just feel so unhappy.
Please advice me.