My late wife passed away 2 months ago, she was suffering from severe depression, she was a recovering drug addict and stayed clean for over a year after we found we were gonna a have a baby girl.
Post partum phase was very difficult on her, she became depressed, anxious and started to self medicate and was distant from me and our baby the whole time.
I had to get help taking care of our daughter while trying to get my wife into rehab, She became aggressive and would tell me that she couldn’t handle the pain anymore, she started having suicidal thoughts and I was able to to stop her from hurting herself twice, but on July 11th, she took her life and I didn’t find out till 4 hours later when I came home.
It was absolutely devastating, we had been together for well over 5 years, And we shared a lot of good memories together, I just don’t know what went wrong, I blame myself for allowing her to do this to herself and not insisting on getting her help even though she needed it, But God knows I never wanted for her to suffer like that and every single day I just wish It was me instead.
I visit her grave regularly, I’m currently saving up for a headstone that her family refused to contribute in saying that I was the one who was responsible for what happened to their daughter, but they were there, they had seen how much she was suffering but didn’t want to interfere and help, instead they blamed me and made my life more miserable and I was literally left to grieve alone.
Last week, While I was on my laptop, someone sent an email to my wife’s address, wanting to talk to me, I was confused as I never knew this guy and my wife never mentioned him.
He sent me an invitation and said he wanted us to meet and chat a bit, I agreed after he insisted and started talking about how my wife’s loss hurt him.
We met at a restaurant, He looked younger than me and he sounded like he knew my wife too well, he started addressing her issues and how he wanted to help her, I asked how he knew all that and he said that he and my wife used to see each other, he said that it was while her and I were married, I was completely shocked when I heard this.
He said that he felt guilty because him and my wife were both using stuff and that’s probably how she relapsed and her condition got worse, he said he felt responsible for what happened and was unable to talk about his grief not even to people that are close to him, said that by telling me he could express his feelings without having to hide them, he sounded and looked very sincere.
I was having a mix of emotions at the same time I literally just got up and left, I told him to not contact me ever in his life again and that if I ever see him again, God knows what I’d do.
It’s been a week and I haven’t even visited my wife’s grave, I feel lost and confused all I ever think about is my daughter and how her life will be affected by what happened and her mom not being with her anymore, It’s tough and it got more complicated knowing my wife was at some point cheating on me and made some bad decisions that affected everyone around her.