I got married two weeks ago and I found out my wife isn’t a virgin as she claimed. – Man speaks.

I need help. I dated my wife for a year before getting married and all these while, she said she didn’t want to have sex before marriage. I obliged and stayed true to her decision. I loved her effortlessly and was willing to do anything as long as we were going to get married.

We talked about her past and she said she only dated two guys all her life and none of them involved sex. She confirmed she was a virgin. To be very honest with you, I did not care if she was a virgin or not. I am one of those who believe a woman has more to offer than her virginity. All I wanted was a well-behaved and respectful who is a goal getter and above all is honest. Honesty is my watchword and I was as transparent as possible with her.

Everything I do, I tell her about it. She knows about my business, future plans and more. My past relationships, I told her about them. I told her I was not a virgin right from the onset and she was okay with it. She did not show any sign that she was uncomfortable with my status and our relationship kept blossoming.

Our wedding was two weeks ago. It was held at one of the most prestigious hotels in Abuja and as expected, I spent so much money. She is from a village where the bride price is very expensive. I cared about her so I did everything without complaining. All I wanted was to marry someone my heart yearned for. She gave me peace, everything I prayed for and more.

After our wedding, we did what was expected of couples. I had sex with her and I realized she lied to me. She was not a virgin as she claimed. It was a total turn off for me and I went to bed. I was very disappointed. What was supposed to be my happiest night turned out to be the opposite. I was sad, very sad. I honestly do not have a problem with whether or not she is a virgin. All I wanted was for her to be truthful.

In the morning, I couldn’t just feel anything for her anymore. I confronted her and she said she could explain. She apologized and said she lied to me. That she was not a virgin and only had sex with a guy she met in her final year. This was after she told me her last relationship was in her third year which invariably meant she has dated three people. I think she is still lying to me. After saying she only dated two people, now she is saying there was another guy.

How do I put up with all these stories? I don’t even know the one to believe. I dated her for a year. One full her and extra. To think she lied to me and kept this kind of information from me all these while makes me regret marrying her. For crying out loud, I was honest about myself and everything that has happened to me in the past. I trusted her and was willing to do anything for her.

We were supposed to go for our honeymoon this month but I don’t feel like going anywhere. There is no spark. The light, joy and fulfillment I once had have all vanished. How am I supposed to keep up with her? She has broken the trust I had in her. I still love her but this is too much for me to bear. I don’t know if I am just overreacting but at least she shouldn’t have lied to me about something as sensitive as this. How do I forgive her and continue with this marriage? Can you help? I fear I may not be able to completely trust her anymore. Please advise me.


Comments to I got married two weeks ago and I found out my wife isn’t a virgin as she claimed. – Man speaks.

  • Lies break trust, yes! But you need to forgive and start afresh. I do not think virginity contributes to how good a person will be. If she has no other issues, try and forgive her and enjoy your marriage. I’m not going to make excuses for her but Perhaps she was scared you will leave if you find out her status.

    Cynthia Eze October 21, 2020 9:51 am Reply

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