I masturbate to satisfy myself

Please ensure you hide my identity before you share this with your readers. I am a 27 year old married woman with a baby girl that is barely 1 year old. I got married to my husband recently, exactly a year ago and so far things are not going as well as I thought. Growing up, I have always heard that marriage has a lot of irregularities many of which stem from financial incapability, difficult mother in law, problems with childbirth and a host of other problems commonly encountered by families. So as I grew up, it was as if I was bracing myself up for these as I was putting so many things in place so as to overcome these problems. However, it turned out that I am one of those unaffected by the above listed problems but a greater one. My mother in-law is nice and our finances are great. But my husband cannot make me feel like a woman. He cannot satisfy me whenever we have sex. I can beat my chest and say that since we got married, I have never been sexually satisfied by my husband. 

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In fact, on our wedding night, I was very disappointed and just was really scared that what happened that day may repeat itself. My husband found it difficult to have good sex with me. He always got tired fast and even the small time he lasted, I was not able to have an orgasm. He kept climbing on and off me without doing anything. I was disappointed but I tried to act like all was well. I tried to make him feel like he was good but deep down I was silently praying that it doesn’t reoccur. I kept making excuses in my head that perhaps it was because of the stress from the whole wedding that caused his poor performance. Another day and subsequently, nothing changed. Everything was the same even up till now. My husband is a very good man and a great father but this poor performance is ruining things in our marriage. I love him but he doesn’t satisfy me. This is why I have to always masturbate to satisfy myself but I can’t continue like this anymore. It’s over one year now and that is how I have been surviving and I hate it. He knows he doesn’t satisfy me and that is why he tries to make up for it through other means. 

He is rich and he is a giver. He buys me things regurlary and sends me good amount of money for the home, my personal purchases including the home. He is a very sweet and romantic guy but these things are not enough. Sometimes when I am really horny and want to get a good sex from my man, I can’t get it and it hurts. I have thought about going out to get this elsewhere but I can’t do that. I don’t want to cheat on my husband or commit adultery by doing so. Besides my tradition forbids us to have an affair outside our matrimonial home. He knows how I feel about this whole situation and he tries to make up for it but it’s not enough. He has gone to some hospitals to find a solution but they said he’s fine. Was told that it was because he has never been sexually active before getting married so it is still quite new to him and challenging to do. They that practice would enable him get better at sex. I understood and was willing to have sex with him even when I am not with him just so that we can improve our sexual life and be a great couple but nothing changed. 

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He knows that I masturbate but he can’t do anything about it. He is sad about  the whole situation and it makes his have a quiet outlook that makes me feel guilty. Initially, I used to spend some time in the bathroom after sex in order to make up for what I couldn’t get. He later found out and was very furious but there was nothing he could do. I later got to talk to him and he apologized. Currently, I even masturbate in front him and he does nothing. I am very sad and I don’t know what to do at all. I need help from your readers. When I got married and discovered what was wrong, I was contemplating leaving the marriage since it was still early but I couldn’t make up my mind. I kept believing that he would improve or that I can manage to stay without it but I was wrong. I feel defeated by everything. I honestly want to be happy in my marriage but guess if is impossible. I need to know if there is anything I can do at all to salvage the situation. Kindly share your thoughts. I am desperate.  

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