I’m just 21 and my mom is persistently trying to give me away to an aged man. Please help.

Please hide my identity and post this. I am a 21 year old girl and I finished school quite early. I graduated from University last year amidst Covid 19 where I studied Medical laboratory science. I am the first child of my parents and sincerely speaking, I am still in doubt of whether my mom is my biological mother or not. This is because the way she treats me most times makes me wonder if she has any tinge of love for me at all. Yes, I understand that every mother wants their children to marry nice people and make great kids. However, my own mom is overdoing this whole thing. I am very young for marriage and I know it, everyone thinks so too except my mom. Instead of my mom encouraging me to further my education or get a good paying job, all that is in her head is marriage, marriage, marriage and this is draining me. 

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I grew up being a good child and perhaps, I became good to a fault. I learnt not to keep things away from my mom so whatever happens in my life, I share with her. She does not treat me so nicely so whatever I do, I do them to please her and try to win her trust but this has almost never been possible. During the beginning of last year, shortly before I the pandemic started, I was still in school when I met this guy on facebook. We were just friends and we spoke from time to time. He was a nurse based in US and as at then, he was nice and polite. Even though we had no relationship then, he continued to call and asked how I was coping with school. When we met newly, I wasn’t giving him all the attention he wanted because I was in school so I was usually busy. However when the corona virus pandemic struck and the Lockdown was enforced, out communication improved. 

I told my mom about him and that he was just a friend. I continued speaking with him frequently since I had time during the Lockdown. Because of this, he started developing interest in me. Later, he made his intentions known to me and said he’d like us to work things out. I told my mom and she asked me to accept and see how things go and I did. However upon getting to know this guy, I realized he had character issues. Although we were dating, he was so uptight and always ensured I respected him. I couldn’t make jokes with him and when I tried to play harmless tricks, he warned me seriously never to do so. I later found out that he was 38 years old. I grew uncomfortable with the whole relationship. It was too formal and he was always acting like I owed him my life. 

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I told my mom all these and other things about him and also that I wanted to end things but she refused. She said that I should manage with him that there’s no marriage without challenges. How am I supposed to start managing this early? I haven’t even met this man and he is already making me sick. I don’t feel any butterflies for him. Whenever I talk to him, it is as if the conversation is forced and I try so hard not to say something that will get him angry. It is always as if I am on my toes and before I speak, I ensure I think properly and choose my words correctly so that he doesn’t get angry. How am I supposed to continue with this kind of man? This is my first relationship and it is contrary to what I heard or thought about relationships. I don’t feel any fire for him and he isn’t making things easy either. It is as if I am in a relationship with a dictator. I told my mom all these and she didn’t even care. 

All she was interested in was the fact that her daughter was going to marry a Nurse based abroad. She makes noise about how she is going to brag to her friends about it and it worries me. Is this the kind of mother everyone has or am I just unlucky? Why is she placing my life on the line while she has fun? This is my future and she has completely failed to realize that. This man only sent me money four times all through the times we have been dating and none of them was more than 40 thousand Naira. Is this not another evidence that he is stingy? Please help me. I need to free myself from this bondage I am in. I need all the help I can get. 

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