I’m just so unhappy

Bayo Ajibola

I don’t even know where to begin. I’ve been with my hubby for 18 years, we’ve been married for nearly 14 and have two kids. From the outside looking in, we’re perfect. One boy, one girl, a dog, lovely home, family vacations, if I saw my life (how I portray it) I would be envious. However what people don’t see is what happens behind closed doors.

The guy I married is a wonderful guy. He’s never called me a undesirable name, he basically let’s me do whatsoever I want, he’s clever, a hard worker, and kind. Everyone loves him. So why am I so unsatisfied? Well, the main reason I can do anything I want is because he just doesn’t care. He works crazy hours. In his spare time he spends it doing what he wants, not at home with his family. I’m basically a single parent. I’m responsible for ensuring every bill gets paid, a home is clean, all appointments, 100% of running the home falls on my shoulders. The sole thing he brings to the table is a income. My children see him once a week, the rest of the time he’s gone before they get up and home just after they’re asleep. I work full time and I just want to feel valued for what I do. When I ask him to do a simple task, like help me to lift something in the house , he likes to remind me that he’s exhausted because he works so much.

I have a plot twist. His regular job is 5 days a week. He decides to do side job work [uber] for extra money but he won’t let me know how much he makes or where he keeps the money, he absolutely will not. He comes back home with large purchases without even talking to me. He gets upset when I question him and turns things around on me like I’m being the unreasonable one.

I’m so fed up with doing everything. I hate that on his free time he spends it working or together with his friends and not us. He says he misses us but will not make any effort to spend time with us his family. This week I’ve been really short with him because at this stage I’m over it all. Sadly, he hasn’t even noticed. He’s going on like his world is the same. I had to take our son to the doctor today because he’s sick and when I called him afterwards to tell him the diagnosis he was too busy to talk to me. The last text I got was him asking if we received any stimulus money. Not asking about our son.

On one side I feel like I ought to just suck it up because I have two lovely children and we have a very comfy life, I don’t wish to rock the boat. He’s not a mean guy, he’s very well liked and we rarely argue. He’s sexy as hell and we’re sexually compatible (although I haven’t had the desire to be intimate with him for a couple weeks). On the other, I’m fed up with not being cherished. I just want a bit of acknowledgement of what I do. I want level of quality time with my hubby, I would like him to be here. If I’m feeling this sad, he must be too, right?

I just feel so lost and was hoping someone had some viewpoint or advice.

Bayo Ajibola

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