I’m suffering in this marriage. My husband is jobless.

I have tried everything within my powers to make things right in this marriage but all to no avail. I married this man when I was still very young. I had a business of my own and I was earning from it. I believe in hardwork so I didn’t wait for any man to take care of me or feed me. I know I needed my own money and I was very willing to work for it. I had to put food on my table, wear the best clothes, go on vacation when I can and live a good life. I had many people coming for my hand in marriage. I was very close to my mom so I always told her about them. She always advised me to pray well and ask God to direct me and I always did that. It happened that out of the people that were coming to marry me, two of them stood out. The one I liked most was hardworking, he was rich and well mannered. The second person was nice too but not so comfortable in terms of money. I explained to my mom how I felt and she advised me to go for the second person who didn’t have much. I explained to her that I wasn’t willing to marry someone who I will suffer with, I was earning my own money so I didn’t need a man’s money, but that doesn’t mean that I should live with someone who doesn’t have enough to care for his family. 

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My mom was claiming that the second guy was nice and looks like he will respect me more, she also spoke about him worshipping in the same church as ours unlike the first person. However, I know my mom well, in as much as she was trying to make it look like the second person was better, I knew that she chose him because of the church. My mom has always been so interested in church. She has always said that she wants us to marry someone from our church. Later on, she used my dad to give me an instance. She said that when he married her that he didn’t have so much money but he loved and respected her and as time went on things started opening for them and that was true. My parents are doing well now. To cut the long story short, I found out that almost everyone in my family chose the second person so I had to go for him. We got married and I even contributed so much for the marriage. I had a business in Anambra while the guy stayed in Lagos. My business was thriving and I made it clear to him before we got married that I wasn’t going to leave my business and he agreed. 

After our wedding, he traveled alone. A year later conceiving was difficult for me and many people advised me to join my husband in Lagos and I did. I left my business. That was the biggest mistake of my life. I got to Lagos and that was when I saw what suffering meant. My husband was broke. It was as if he was living from hand to mouth. His business was not doing well. I went to school so I tried searching for a job but it was unsuccessful. I don’t even like office jobs but I just needed something to earn from. The environment I found myself in wasn’t all that good for my business so I couldn’t continue. Apart from that, I didn’t even have a startup capital and my husband was too broke to help me. I already used a huge part of my savings to support our wedding so I was struggling. I later got pregnant and things were still difficult. Even eating was a problem. I couldn’t even register for antenatal care at a good hospital. I went to a clinic and after my delivery, I had complications. I had a huge tear which was not properly managed. It was my first pregnancy so I didn’t even know what to do. 

Read also: My husband got a 21 year old student pregnant. I don’t know what to do. 

Up till now I am still having trouble with my health due to that problem. My baby too is malnourished. I couldn’t continue to stay so I left Lagos and went to my parents house. That is where I am currently and it has been over two months. I am getting better but I regret marrying that man. Since I left his house, he only sent me 12,000 Naira. For over two months. What will 12,000 Naira do for me and my son? I know how much my parents have spent on hospital expenses. Staying in my parents house has given me the opportunity to think about my life and the way forward. Honestly, I don’t want to continue with that marriage. All I have been doing is to endure. Will I endure till I die? There is no point in staying. I want to leave? I want to know if I can save up and continue with my business. I can’t go back to that man’s house, my life will be nothing but misery.  

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