The decision to quit your relationship is often more difficult than the decision to get into a relationship. This is often because you have developed some sense of attachment to your partner such that leaving becomes worrisome. This prompts you to make excuses for your partner, mask their wrongs, and delay decisions. This is understandable.
However, the person you decide to spend your life with will determine what you achieve in your professional and personal life. Understanding that your relationship is not going well and distinguishing between what can be circumvented and what will most likely affect you forever helps you decide to stay or leave your relationship. Here are 7 signs your relationship is not going well.
1. You Don’t Share Core Values and Common Goals
Do your values align with those of your partner? Are your interests, beliefs, and ideologies similar? If you want kids, does your partner want them too? You want the relationship to transit into marriage but your partner doesn’t. This may ruin your relationship.
You have been waiting and hoping that he will come around and want the same thing as you do. It’s been 5 years with him and he is still not sure of what he wants. He’s not sure if he wants marriage or just a relationship. Perhaps it’s time to walk away and stop waiting for him to make up his mind. Your values simply don’t align and you can’t force it.
2. No Plans for the Future
A relationship is not only meant for fun and other little things obtainable in it. A relationship is meant to shape you, add a positive impact on your life, career, and dreams. If your partner does not make plans for their future with you, it may be a sign they are only in it for fun. Your relationship should involve more than sexual activities, series of dates, sightseeing, and vacation. You may quit your relationship when you realize your partner has no future plans with you.
From time to time, you should have a conversation with your partner about the long-term and short term goals of your relationship. It may also be about career and personal development goals. You can break down these goals into small bits and devise means to help you achieve them.
3. Lies, Addictions, and Compulsive Actions
A relationship is very unlikely to flourish when there are numerous lies and problems related to addictions. Relationships should be built on trust and both parties should confide in each other. If your partner is dishonest and constantly lies to you about several things perhaps it’s time to leave your relationship.
Cases of addiction, not just to drugs and alcohols need not be handled lightly. Drug addicts may harm people including their partners. You can seek the help of a professional but if it persists, you may need to walk away.
4. You are Stressed
A healthy relationship is fun and stress-free. Certainly, there will be conflicts but when they become recurrent, it affects you generally. If you are stressed in your relationship, now may be the right time to look back and think about how far you’ve come. What are the red flags you’ve been ignoring? Perhaps you’ve gotten so used to them that you didn’t realize it’s time to walk away.
How are you feeling generally? Are you enjoying the relationship? Is it fun or a toxic relationship? Are you gaining or losing weight? Are you happy or depressed? These are vital questions that will enable you to assess the current situation of your relationship and also help you decide on what’s best for you.
5. There is a Major Character Flaw
What major and life-threatening flaws have you observed in your partner? How do they react to or manage anger? Are they violent or calm? Yes, we all have flaws. However, if your partner has deep-rooted flaws that are life-threatening, you may need to quit your relationship. Does your partner smoke? Does he have the habit of cheating in the past or are currently cheating?
If they are violent when angry, you have to walk away for your safety. Nevertheless, if they are willing to change with the help of a professional, you can reconsider and continue only when you have observed a genuine and prolonged change in their character.
6. Physical, Sexual or Verbal Abuse
No form of abuse, physical, verbal or sexual abuse is acceptable in and out of a relationship. It’s not an unrealistic expectation if you don’t want your partner to say mean and hurtful things to you. If your partner abuses you, you may need to leave your relationship. Most people think that abuse cannot only be physical or verbal. It can also be sexual.
Sexual abuse is also obtainable in marriage. If your partner forces you to have sex without your consent, it is regarded as sexual abuse. You should not be forced into something against your will. Your partner is not supposed to threaten, blackmail, or manipulate you. Someone who genuinely cares about you and wants the best with you will not curse, belittle, beat, or body shame you.
This may be another great sign that it’s time to walk away. Do you feel lonely in your relationship? Do you feel unappreciated and unhappy? Your relationship is not going well if you constantly feel lonely even with your partner close to you. Of course, both parties deserve some form of privacy at some point in time. However, this privacy should not deprive you of the attention, love and intimacy you deserve. If your partner is always distant, busy, or seems to be uninterested in you even after a series of complaints, it may be time to leave.
These are some signs that may prompt you to quit your relationship. We advise you to make out time, stay in a quiet space, and reflect on your journey so far. List the red flags and the various ways the relationship has impacted your life positively and negatively. Do you think the positive impacts outweigh the negatives?
Is it time to leave? What will it cost you to walk away? What will it cost you to stay? Will your peace of mind and progress increase or diminish? Answer these questions and more with utmost sincerity and make a decision to stay or quit your relationship. We hope you find the courage to leave if you have to. You can also contact us if you need any assistance.