No doubt married couples can always say that marriage is a wonderful thing. It is something many dating couples aspire to. But as wonderful as it seems, it can also be very difficult. No matter how much you love your partner, there will always be those tough moments where you are struggling desperately to survive.
It happens, even to the best of couples.
Any couple that tells you their relationship is always rosy have either not been married for very long or they are lying through their teeth.
When these rough patches come in your marriage, both you and your partner need to first of all attempt to fix things, to make things right. Maybe you both need some time to properly communicate, or you both need some alone time or maybe even some counseling, but most importantly don’t let your first impulse be to give up. You both need to make a great effort to restore things before you walk away from your lifetime commitment to each other.
But if after all avenues have been explored and both you and your partner decide that your marriage is worth fighting for, what good does it do for you not to let go of any wrongdoing? You can’t say you are fighting for your marriage if you continue to hold on to whatever it was that caused the initial problems.
Of course, it’s not as if it is easy to get over something as serious as cheating, for example. But if you take the time to work on your marriage and you choose to forgive your partner – depending on the situation – things won’t completely work out if you continue to harbor ill feelings or you continue to live in the past. In the long run, that marriage will never be truly fixed if you cannot let go.
This is because when you are unable to let go and you continue to bring up old issues, you are simply showing that you are still hurt and angry and that you aren’t over it. Sure, it is normal to be hurt or angry but if you plan to continue feeling that way, never truly moving past the events that occurred, your marriage is destined to be frustrated.
Letting go is hard, no doubt. But once you choose to put in that extra effort to make your marriage work, you are also choosing to let go eventually – don’t take too long though –
Here is how to forgive your partner who hurt you
If one way or another the issue revolved around some kind of offense or betrayal from your partner, there are ways for you to find a way to let go and forgive them. Honestly, the gravity of the hurt you are feeling can make a difference, after all, it is easier to forgive your partner for a small mistake like forgetting to pay your house rent on time as compared to forgiving them for years of having an affair. Be patient and try these few things:
- Make a conscious decision to forgive, that is, be receptive to forgiveness.
- Don’t throw every little mistake or error back in their face later on or use it as ammo in a subsequent argument.
- Don’t look for revenge or try to get even – this will only prolong the pain and it really won’t make you feel better.
- Accept the fact that you might never really know the reason behind the mistake or behavior.
- Don’t forget that just because you are forgiving it means you are condoning any hurtful behaviors.
- Have some patience, forgiveness and letting go takes time, don’t be in a hurry.
On the other hand, if you are the one that needs to be forgiven, here’s how to ask for forgiveness so you can both move on.
If you are the guilty party and you are finding it difficult to let go of the guilt that you feel, you first need to ask for forgiveness so that you can once again rebuild the trust in your marriage and so that your partner is also able to let go. Don’t forget that you need to give both yourself and your partner some time as you both work through the process. You can start by:
- Showing some remorse for the pain you caused and be accepting of the consequences of your actions that caused the pain, instead of trying to bully your way out of it.
- Having the will to be committed to not hurting your partner again by repeating the same hurtful actions.
- Being open to making amends with your partner.
- Making meaningful verbal apologies which also includes having a plan for making things right and
- Being patient with your partner as forgiving and letting go often takes time. Don’t shrug off their feelings with a mere, “they’ll get over it.”
Just like other close relationships, marriage needs sincerity and forgiveness to succeed. The idea of letting go doesn’t only refer to huge issues, it could be about those mundane everyday things, like chores or the kids or just some expectations in general that could cause a divide in your marriage. Being able to work through each and every one of those issues without having to bring them up at a later date is part of what letting go is all about.
When you refuse to let go, it damages your marriage just as much as you being unwilling to work through the issues in the first place. This is because if you have any lingering emotions or feelings that cause you to continuously relive what went wrong, then you haven’t really worked through the issue and those negative feelings will continue to chip away at your relationship until there is nothing left.
So what you should do is to make the choice to forgive, put in the effort to work through the issues and let it all go.