You and your partner recently agreed to try for a baby. It has been an interesting ride so far but as the woman you feel as though he is not doing as much as you think he should, or at least his reactions seem a little misplaced. You are busy looking at baby wardrobe and cots, getting all teary whenever you see an advert with a baby in it and he is busy checking out how his stocks and football club are doing.
The Venus and Mars disconnect is usually so visible in such situations and can cause a lot of tension. A woman’s emotions are very likely to run high as she goes through excitement, worry, fear and hope all at different intervals. The man on the other hand may seem calm, a little too calm or even aloof if you ask the woman. This can really get to a woman and if left unchecked can cause a bit of a strain to a relationship. How then do you keep from blowing your top over his seeming lack of enthusiasm?
Take a deep breath and go easy
Taking deep breaths is good practice for when you get into labour (ask any woman who has given birth) so you should give it a try. It will relax your mind and help you think clearly. If he doesn’t keep track of your ovulation calendar or doesn’t react the same way you do to images of cute babies, let him be.
Badgering him about why he is not showing any emotion may cause him to get defensive. Try not to over analyze his every move and conclude that he doesn’t really want the baby. Instead, ask him (in a friendly and not combative tone) what he feels about fatherhood. You may be surprised at what he says!
Believe what he says
This may be a little difficult considering you have already thought things through and even played out an interesting conversation in your head. The conversation probably ends with you having a nasty fight and you wondering whether it is all worth the trouble. Relax and take him at his word!
Think about all the big moments he has had in his life. Did he cry up a storm during every single one of them? Compare his current reactions to those he showed during those other important moments in his life and check to see whether there are any similarities. It could also be that it hasn’t fully hit him that he is headed to becoming a dad until you finally test positive.
What is he actually doing?
Focusing on and pointing out what has not been done is actually a lot easier than pointing out good things. You may therefore not see what he is doing right. He may have changed his circles to include fathers; he may be working late at the office (to ensure that his job is secure and may be working towards a promotion so as to better provide for the child) or even fixing things around the house so as to make the house baby-friendly.
Acknowledge that he has his own way of processing this and help him relax knowing that his way is just different. Both of you will be parents and it is not an easy role. It doesn’t have a manual either so you will need each other more than ever during this time and it continues when the baby comes. Give him credit for what he has done so far and you will get much more involvement and positivity from him.