Cathy Mwangi


How Social Media Affects Marriage

Social Media is the new normal. It’s like a sub urban gated community that is supposed to be private, but lacks the charm if no one knows it exists. Why have a fantastic life if no one can ever know about it? But is this social sharing harmless? Do I need rules (read kill joy) in how I approach social media?

What are some of the ways a married couple should or should not use Social Media if at all?

So, just how should couples use the social media?

  1. Advance Common Interest

Most men are not talkers, and so it becomes difficult for their spouses to know exactly what they love. The National Retail Federation expects that up to 4% of gifts will be returned after the festive period. By looking up each other’s social media posts, couples can get to understand aspects about their partners that are never spoken of. Jan could not hide the glee on her face when she saw how excited her husband was when he opened his ‘Star Trek’ themed bath robe. She had seen a favourable comment he had made on a mutual friend’s post a few months earlier.

  1. Conversation Starters

After a hectic day, starting non-routine conversations can be tricky. ‘How was your day?’ ‘What happened at work?’, can be tiring. Repeating a story that someone shared over social media can be a refreshing way to break ice. Amy says her husband loves funny stories which thanks to her social connections, she now has a generous supply of.

  1. Anniversary Reminders

Couples no longer have an excuse for forgetting that all important anniversary or birthday date thanks to Social Media reminders which come at least a day in advance. One now has enough time to buy that thoughtful gift.

But if you have been around long enough you know that Social Media can be murky waters for relationships too. Here are a few things you should not do.

  1. Don’t play Private Investigator

People make off the cuff or even sarcastic remarks on social media. If you were to try to make follow every little statement to its logical conclusion you will have a very rough time. Friends may make references to things that happened years before you even met. Trying to snoop the true meaning of such comments will have you looking bad.

  1. Make rules for ‘Us Time’

Using phones during dates or dinners is a just ‘off-putting’. It communicates that your partner is not important enough or worthy of your full attention. Never use your phone when your partner is trying to discuss something important, or when you are having dinner and certainly no phones in bed.

  1. Ex-tracking

The topic of ‘Exes’ in relationships is a confusing one, but trying to track your spouses Ex on social media, liking their posts and photos can be creepy. Similarly, a spouse should not do the same for an Ex. There is a reason why they are called ‘Exes’. They belong to the past.

  1. Respect each other’s privacy


Granted, you are married. But posting photos of every aspect of your private lives online and giving a blow by blow account of your holiday can be annoying especially if one partner does not like it. Worse, it could fan jealousy among people whose lives are not going so great and open your relationship to unnecessary problems. Make sure to get your partners permission to post matters that involve them online.

  1. Dirty Linen

There are those moments when things are not going great in a relationship and one feels the need to take the fight to the jury to decide. Even if the entire world supported you on social media, you would still need to individually win your spouse to your side of seeing things. Quit trying to win personal arguments with a simple online majority decision. It will backfire on you big time.


No doubt many of us feel a compulsion to share the best aspects of our lives with others, after all if nobody knows how great it is why does it exist? Right? Wrong. Experience continues to show that some of the best aspects of our lives need not be shared with others. It is the exclusion of everyone else, that makes those moments special. Learn to keep your special moments private and see your relationship thrive. Like it or not Social Media is a potential time bomb for any relationship.

Cathy Mwangi

By Pastor Cathy Mwangi. If you have any marriage or relationship problems or questions feel free to contact me at

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