The unthinkable happened in yoga class, and it’s hilarious
Are you uttering, “this shit only happens to me” more frequently than you’d like to admit? Do hilariously humiliating instances go wherever you go like the plague? Then sit down and pay attention to this mom’s tale of her very first yoga class gone wrong. She’s your sister.
You simply can’t make this kind of humor up.
Laura Mazza, the Australian writer is recovering from something many of us moms are all too familiar with — diastasis recti, more commonly known as a separation of the abdominal muscles that can happen after pregnancy. “Having kids separated my abdominal wall like Moses parting the Red Sea,” Mazza writes. “Yeah it’s not good and my stomach kinda points out like a cone. So you know, I am trying to get fitter and fix it so it was suggested by a physio to try yoga.”
So, she obliged. “I put on a pair of yoga pants, because for someone who has never done yoga, really, I seem to own a lot of yoga pants,” she admits. “I got the pair that looked less “Ball-y” from sleeping in and yanked them up nice and high and got a clean top.” I know what your thinking; this woman is all of us.
She found a yoga class. She went. And this happened.
First came the realization that she’d have to take off her socks and expose her hairy toes. Damn the forgotten grooming! It’s happened to the best of us. She describes feeling slightly left out amongst the sea of toned bodies who seemed to all know each other. But she slowly eases into the class and begins to feel like she knows what she’s doing, until she gets to downward dog and her folded-over guts remind her she has IBS.
Yup. She farts. It’s a silent one, but “then we move to some position where my heads between my legs, and the smell hits me like a punch to the nose.”
“I’m thinking, do I leave? Do I leave the country? Is this happening?? IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME? Not only do I look like a slob but now I stink too.”
Whatever. It’s silent, she doesn’t have to claim it, so she gathers the strength to move on — like a true hero. “I gather my resolve and say you know what? Whatever. Everyone farts and I can’t help it,” she writes. “I continue attempting these ridiculous positions and suck in my core. Fitness here we come.” YES, girl. You’re a warrior.
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