Please hide my identity. My partner and I fought horribly and in the worst way. He offends me, criticizes me, even gets aggressive, yells at me, insults me and I always end up crying, feeling like the worst being on earth. It has destroyed my self-esteem a lot and I am finding it difficult to cope but I love him so much. Initially, I figured out that he doesn’t like it when I tell him the truth or some other thing so I stopped doing that so as not to trigger him but the truth is that nothing really stops him. We quarrel and he makes me feel bad. I try to keep to myself and avoid him so much but it doesn’t last. He always gets away with everything he does to me, he makes me tiny, inferior, calls me stupid, crazy, and much more. Sometimes I get angry and threaten to quit or I go off without taking his calls. He then sends me messages to tell me that he misses me and that he can do things right.
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Even after his promises, the quarrels do not stop, it is almost every day it is a terrible anguish, I feel a deep fear, every day my pride and my esteem are broken more, I am very damaged, I do not know what tools to use to change. I know that when I act differently things change between us, that is why I always feel guilty about how bad we are, for not knowing how to act. My partner complains a lot to me that I do not say what I have to say even at the right time, which is a problem with my attitude. I feel frustrated, he treats me as he pleases, he always believes that he is right and that I am the one who is wrong. I have a cloudy mind, and trouble managing emotions with it. With other people I can be normal but with him nothing comes out. For him I am not enough, I am not what he wants and it pierces my heart. I have sacrificed so many years of my life just to be with him.
When we started the relationship in 2018, about three years ago things were so good between us and he was always there for me. He supported my dreams and ensured that I lacked nothing. We were always there for each other regardless of the fact that we were not financially buoyant. We both just got out of school and we’re trying to put our lives in shape. Since then, we have been together for and dating even though we have our own down times. Sometimes we quarrel and stay a few days without speaking to each other but it has gotten so bad this time around, so much that I don’t know what to do anymore. He suddenly became very toxic and harsh towards me and I cannot figure out why even as I write to you. He used to be a very calm and loving boyfriend but now I am very confused. The way he acts lately makes me wonder why he changed so much.
I honestly love him but my self esteem is going down the drain. The way he talks to me most times makes me wonder what I am still doing with him. So many times, I have made up my mind to forget about him or even stop speaking to him but I still find myself going back to him whenever he begs for forgiveness. I honestly don’t know what is wrong with me and that is why I am writing to you to seek a solution. I love this guy but the way he is treating me recently is making me believe that he doesn’t love me anymore. Even though I feel this way and really want to quit the relationship, I love him so much and I am finding it difficult to just quit which is why I need your help. What can I do? How do I control this situation in order to regain my self esteem. I need your advice.